sipmacrants!

Mitt Romney: unfit for command (As clueless as a John Kerry can be?)

2012-02-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

Mitt Romney statement about being “not being concerned about the very poor” is not a Kinsley gaffe, nor a Freudian slip: Although he was inadvertently revealing his ill-advised “marketing strategy”, he wasn’t being disdainful or scornful of his non-target audience: just plain naïve about how well this revelation would play after his Florida Primary victory. Anyhow, the direct result of this stupid error is an element of truth in the Obama 1%-against-99% narrative that will be played 24/7 in case he secures the Republican nomination.

Such gaffes are inexcusable for a seasoned politician with an 8-year presidential campaign, because they reek of incompetence. The “It's not worth getting angry about” dismissive response to Rick Santorum in a debate doesn’t seal his posture about repealing Obamacare but reveal how out of touch with the base he is. It almost looks like Romney informed himself about the TEA party reading the MSM.

Two reckless statements show Romney he can’t take the pulse of the media nor his own party base, maybe because being sheltered by a big portion of the party bigwigs and figures has given him a false sense of security. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s getting easy until now, but if he secures the nomination, the mainstream media will hit him with everything it gets, and real hard. His big-time supporters seem to be distracted of this by something else we can’t still grasp.

In the meanwhile, the GOP chances in this presidential election seem to diminish, no matter who secures the nomination. Cain, Perry, Bachmann… everyone that seemed able to compete against Romney has experienced immediately what is to be in the meat grinder. Paul and Santorum have being left alone in the last days because they’re considered harmless, but they’ve felt the heat when they get near the “Inevitable”. Gingrich lost in Florida not only by being subject of a massive negative campaign, but by being outspent by Romney, who had to use the 99% of his ad budget to crush the former Speaker of the House. Looks like a pyrrhic victory to me.

If this is all the might Mitt Romney has, if this is all the political wisdom he can use, if this is the best he can do, and if he needs so badly too many people to carry the water for him in the press and still persists digging a deeper hole by uttering more gaffetastic statements, then he is clearly unfit for command.

Just like John Kerry.

Sorry, but something is deeply wrong with this tragedy (Darn it, it was a dog!)

2012-01-28T20:15:00.000-08:00

When I was a child, coming home after school, grandma told me my dog Terry was taken away by the dog pound employees. Upset doesn’t begin to describe what I felt. My best friend was taken away from me! Anyway, being raised somehow by The Littlest Hobo and Lassie on TV, there was little doubt in my mind that Terry would escape and come back to me.

I waited for Terry two years, and then I gave up hope.

Not so long ago I read in the newspaper that a young boy committed suicide because his beloved dog died. I remembered Terry, but I couldn’t understand the boy’s radical decision. Darn it, it was a dog! You can cry all that you want, most people would understand that!

But you don’t take your life because your dog died.

At the same time, another boy killed his dad… because his dad killed his dog. I could imagine the boy’s pain, but darn it, it was a dog, not a human life!

You don’t take a human life because of killing a dog.

I’m of course against animal cruelty. But bash me all the way if you want it, because for me the notion of considering animals as subjects of law with rights is an unspeakable affront to all the suffering humanity, that one that is starving to death in Africa and elsewhere, that one that is still being slaved for forced labor or sexual exploitation or that one that will be lapidated for “sinful” behavior.

In that perspective, animalism is an utter waste of time and resources, and a cowardly way to avoid an undoubtedly more difficult (and gruesome) fight for fellow humans. It’s easier and safer to stand up for bulls than for 2.000 extrajudicially executed human beings.

That said, I deeply regret soap opera actor Nick Santino’s decision to take his life with an overdose of pills after euthanizing his dog. But I can’t still understand or accept his suicide as a loving gesture. Darn it, it was a dog.

Santino, rest in peace, may God have mercy on your soul and hopefully there is a heaven for dogs, too.

But for me, we should try being more altruistic with our fellow humans first. It's the least that we can do. Then we can talk about animals.

GOP’s own EMP and the Eleventh Commandment

2012-01-26T18:53:00.000-08:00

Every politician is an egotist (duh). Barack Obama is famous for taking himself in very high regard. But Newt Gingrich has raised the bar. Obama’s infatuation with himself is dwarfed by the way the architect of the 1994 Republican Revolution sees himself. Never timid with the use of grandiloquent statements (sample quote: “we helped defeat the Soviet empire”), Newt is the Republican answer to Obama’s “fundamental transformation of America.”

That said, Gingrich’s second surge in the Republican primaries has hit a very delicate nerve in some GOP sectors, enough to provoke an all-out attack against him in order to derail his presidential candidacy for good. The instrument for this assault is none other than the Gipper, Ronald Reagan, the most beloved Republican president of the 20th century. According to sources, in the 1980s, the candidate repeatedly insulted the Great Communicator, never afraid to predict that Reagan’s policies would fail. Even Viagra spokesperson Bob Dole decided to pile on Gingrich, hours before the 19th debate at the University of North Florida.

It is not risky to assert that Gingrich is driving his detractors insane; otherwise Ann Coulter, The National Review and a long list of pedigreed GOPers wouldn’t be so unambiguously breaking Reagan’s eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican. I don’t need to be a conservative or register myself as Republican to see where this absurd game is leading: the Republican nomination winner will emerge so weak and disminished after this slugfest that he won’t stand a chance against a full-of-internal-support Barack Obama. This in-house dispute (I refuse to call it civil war) is a Democrats’ dream come true. Like Christmas in January.

Gingrich’s many weaknesses are for all to see now, but absolutely nobody recognizes his true strength. Nobody’s praising his moon base plans, or his immigrant policy, but his followers sure dig the way he fights the biased media and his willingness to pin Obama for every wrongdoing of his tenure. Next to him, Romney is the android that SNL and countless others like to portray. Ron Paul’s foreign policy is way wackier than any Gingrich proposal could be (His EMP warning is not a delusional one, like it or not, it could really happen). Santorum is the only true social conservative of the bunch, and because of that, no matter how well he performs, he’s considered unelectable, because of his perceived “extremist views.”

But like Gingrich, he’s for big government and therefore more akin to the GOP elite, forever disconnected from the base, in fear of having to dismantle spendthrift federal agencies and stopping for once the derail-menacing gravy train of government runaway spending. So many sinecures and crony businesses opportunities lost forever…

The “United States of Greece” is derided as an exaggerated, silly boogeyman, but the spending party has to end. Europe keeps walking on the tight rope, and nobody wants to face the music in the first world.

In the meanwhile, the GOP detonates its own EMP device against itself and smiles pretending to know exactly what it is doing.

The Muppets: a “gas” except for the indoctrination parts

2012-01-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

Innocent, wholesome entertainment sells. That’s what The Muppets are trying to tell us with their comeback movie. Great moral for the “gritty reboot” era, which is conveniently and mercilessly lampooned in a very clever and self – referential movie, that brilliantly manages to keep its fresh optimism and innocence.

The Muppets really can act. It’s not only their voices, but also their fabric-made faces transmit emotion better than a few contemporary actors can. And most of all, one cannot avoid feeling sorrow for Kermit’s sadness. Every member of the original cast makes a triumphant comeback and Walter with his tenderness and unique talent almost steals the show from the mighty Kermit.

People old enough can feel literally transported back to their childhood when the intro segment of the Muppets’ Show takes place. As a bonus, you can realize where the Simpsons’ concept of never-the-same-intro was stolen. You cannot see with tolerant eyes anymore how Groening and Co. lampoon the Muppets by working with Troy McClure after realizing that.

Jack Black’s “unwitting” contribution feels as natural as almost the whole rest of cameos. A self-deprecating Whoopi Goldberg looks great side to side with Selena Gomez and Neil Patrick Harris, which would have been perfectly cast for any major role in the movie, as he proved with The Smurfs.
Plot holes are easily and jokingly dismissed with the above mentioned cleverness the movie possesses. The music numbers are great and the only really unpleasant surprise is to find Sarah Silverman performing as Sarah Silverman, waitressing with her accustomed cynicism and wry demeanor (she might be just still bitter about Greg the Bunny getting axed after a paltry six episodes). What a great villain would have been, playing an updated version of the Wicked Witch of the West, but not, the writers played it safe demonizing oil and businessmen casting the villain as a tycoon that wants to destroy the Muppet Theatre to extract the oil, just like it’s done anywhere in the L.A. area. But never mind, the mood of the movie is very joyous and Tex Richman is an over-the-top caricature of a, say, a bloodthirsty George Soros, living only to make more money no matter the consequences.

Children indoctrination in movies is here to stay. Directors and writers aiming at children are not veiling the political message anymore. I’ve seen the horror of the coming “attractions” and I think I can barely stomach the way some Hollywood bigwigs attempt to manipulate its clientele, thinking for them and delivering what’s good for them. Buying the tie-in products is not enough anymore; the brats have to be taught how to vote, too.

It took two paragraphs, but believe me this political thing is a very small peccadillo in a great entertaining movie, with takes you with sensibility to a simpler era, without f-bombs and attitudes.

Whacka-whacka-whacka a comeback!

World status update by country (taken from the Internet and modified)

2012-01-22T20:38:00.001-08:00

I got this non-pc satire from the blog International Liberty. In these SOPA days sure I can feel nervous about knocking down an entire post, but it is awesome enough to deserve the reposting and even more worth of being added some new material.

===========================

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Colombia on the contrary, has lowered its alert level from “revolted, give’em hell” to “gullible, let’s hear them”, still away from the lowest level “naïve, let’s make a new constitution”.

Venezuela, maintains its only level since 1999 “paranoia, pretend those Yankees are after you to retain full power.”

North Korea is making its transition from “worker’s paradise” to “surreal” to “completely loony tunes”, which will be called later “normal”.

China is upgrading from “frenemy” to “only major player”, only if they can avoid the “implosion” status because of abusing the “everything’s fine” grade, without revealing its hidden housing bubble and railroad fiasco and infrastructure systems failures.

Argentina, after taking over the pensions system, upgraded from “perceived catastrophe” to “nothing to see here, pal”. The lowest level “real catastrophe, every man for himself” is somewhat consistent with its highest threat level “head in the sand.”

Russia has four levels: “I can get no respect”, “demand respect”, its current “extract respect” and “war”.

Alert level of this blog? Red, of course.

Sí, como no...

2012-01-19T07:34:00.000-08:00

* Sí, como no. Israel por supuesto que le va a decir al mundo que va a atacar a Irán.

* Sí, como no. Marianne Gingrich por supuesto que se iba a quedar tranquila y no iba a aprovechar la oportunidad de despacharse con su ex marido Newt.

* Sí, como no. Hollywood iba a conseguir que el congreso estadounidense le aprobara la SOPA y la PIPA y toda la comunidad de Internet se iba quedar quietecita.

* Sí, como no. Mubarak, Gaddafi y compañía se bajaban del poder y la “primavera árabe” traería la democracia.

* Sí, como no. Kodak iba a seguir viviendo sólo de su anterior gloria y la gente le iba a seguir comprando.

* Sí, como no. Merkozy tiene controlada la crisis de los PIIGS y Europa no entró en recesión.

* Sí, como no. Si los negocios se recuperan, pero el empleo no, se considera como terminada la recesión.

* Sí, como no. Si se puede expandir a punta de deudas el estado de bienestar en Europa, hasta que promedie el 285% de su PIB.

* Sí, como no. El Real Madrid puede le puede arrebatar la Copa del Rey en España al Barcelona, jugando “a lo Mourinho”, a no ganar.

* Sí, como no. De la misma forma Santiago Giraldo le podía haber ganado a Novak Djokovic sin emplearse a fondo y con El Tiempo haciéndole el parapeto.

* Sí, como no. Robert Redford puede celebrar la “histórica y ecológica victoria” en contra del oleoducto Keystone y bloquear la construcción de eco-villas cerca de su casa en el valle de Napa.

* Sí, como no. El Capitán Schettino del naufragado “Costa Concordia” “No quería huir, se cayó en una barca de salvamento”.

* Sí, como no. Ahora en USA las leyes se votan primero y se leen después.

Sí. Por supuesto que sí.

Mid-January SOPA Meme-mania

2012-01-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

January used to be a very dead month, news-wise, that is. But since the Mayans ran out of calendar space this year, it seems we will live twelve very intense months. The old curse said “hope you live in interesting times”, so that, thanks to SOPA and PIPA, we are experiencing a very interesting time in which we may see the end of the happy, jovial and free internet (or not). Memes took the side of the users and want to teach some manners. You be the judge.

Ask the Hollywood moguls: Stop squealing, you never lose money! What have you done lately for me?

Slogans, Mantras, Litanies, you name it

2012-01-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

IRL people these days are incredibly intuitive at creating slogans; they can range from outrageous to decent and from tame to lame, but that don’t refrain them from trying. When yellow pages are on the wane, and TV ads are not watched anymore (I found myself not knowing when was the last time I saw an entire ad spot on open TV), a good slogan can be the way to get noticed. Behold Slogan Maker!

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It's not a trick, it's a sipmacrants!
You need sipmacrants every day.
Be young, have fun, taste sipmacrants!
Things go better with el barranquillero promedio.
Quick start, long life with el barranquillero promedio.
With a name like el barranquillero promedio ,it has to be good.
If Jesus was here, he would go for el barranquillero promedio.
Life begins with tijera press.
The Power of procer progresista.
Prócer Progresista, it's for real.
Start your day with Picornell.
A piece of Picornell for everybody, everyday.
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Opinion Renegada is our middle name.

Slogan Maker, and leave the thinking to us!

European Union or: how I learned to stop worrying and love the pensions bomb

2012-01-13T10:55:00.000-08:00

No way out...?

You hear that Mr. Anderson?... That is the sound of inevitability... It is the sound of your death...

Agent Smith, The Matrix

It seems some people loathe my pal Agent P because he doesn’t like public servants that well. And we both dislike how governments recklessly spend our tax money. The #OccupyWallStreet movement protests the obvious carelessness of the incredibly short-termed mind of the current business model, sheltered by government old chums (They just don’t see that way). People good, corporate greed bad, we know that song.

Ever thought of government greed? Or public “servants” greed? You think that does not exist? Lookit shorty here: this Friday the 13th of January, Standard & Poor's will cut the credit ratings of Italy, Spain and Portugal by two notches and downgrade France and Austria by one notch. Yes, just like the USA were downgraded last year.

But didn’t Merkozy grab the bull by the horns and drove into submission the unruly PIGS? Didn’t France and Germany send the right signals to the markets? Apparently not. There are a lot of people not buying the White Knight rescue fairytale. You see, there’s some information that’s not a secret at all, but European politicians prefer not to talk about, because of the election cycle, they are as short-term minded as those ugly Wall Street capitalists.

Because of that it is a downright horror story, not a fairy tale what the Europeans prefer not to face: the state-funded pension obligations in France and Germany are three times the GDP of those two countries. Together they total 13.9 trillion Euros, very nearly half of the pension bills of the 19 nation States studied in this 2009 report of the Research Center for Generational Contracts from the Freiburg University.

Expert used to call that mess “the retirement bomb.” Sooner or later the public will realize that the lavish public employee pensions and most of the rest of the perks of the welfare state are impossible to meet by taxpayers. It has nothing to do with wealth redistribution; the pension liabilities exceed three times the GDP of two of the most stable and wealthiest states of the European Union. In three decades, there will be no wealth to be redistributed. Same goes for the PIGS and everyone else in the Union. Same goes for Medicare and Social Security in the USA.

If that’s not greed, to mortgage several times the future of their countries to satisfy public employees demands, then the definition must be changed.

The future is already here. After all, Greece and several other countries already spend way more than they earn.

Most of us will worry when we hear the downgrade news. But when they find out the bigger picture, they will consider this nothing compared with what lies beneath the abyss of the welfare state.

Keynes said “In the long term we all be dead”, but if he were alive today he would say “Who, me?”

H/T The Slog

AMIS NIX TINTIN FLIX?

2012-01-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

Americans went to watch “The Incredibles” and “Cars”, lured in by one sole word: Pixar. Those were brand new concepts, created out of nothing, huge gambles in the sequel-and-known-brand-only film era. And they got critical and popular acclaim, so the bets paid off.

The “Steven Spielberg Presents” tag is a proven audience magnet. Unbelievable as it is, Spielberg himself casted doubts in the success of his “Indiana Jones for kids” movie, “The Secret of the Unicorn”, featuring comic-book Belgian superstar Tintin. It doesn’t make any sense: why the fears about an US flop?

A hint of elitist anti-Americanism can be detected in those reservations. It presupposes that the American audiences will never cherish an European import. Following that flawed reasoning, the Beatles, the Stones, Sean Connery, Maserati, Volvo and a very long etcetera never stood a chance. Sorry for them.
This is the only stain in a very good movie, besides the poorly taken decision to release the movie in a tentpole saturated season. “The Adventures of Tintin” would have shone incredibly between September and November of last year. Returning to the elitist wiff, I can accept that Spielberg premiered the movie first in Europe out of pure respect (like the affectionate way Hergé appears in the first scene of the movie), but if he tried to “get word of mouth success” to attract the American public into the cinemas, it shows jaw-dropping inconsistence. If Americans would not buy the Tintin concept, why would they care about the movie’s European success?

Which leads to the real reason of the somewhat lackluster American box-office performance: in spite of the terrific job Mr. Spielberg did adapting the source material and the wonderful staging of the best animation I’ve seen so far, the accomplished director did not know how to market his own triumph. Disappointing, considering the director’s career. Kind of expected, if you think about the still recent “Crystal Skull” fiasco.

Looks like hanging out with the current version of George Lucas can damage your moviemaking skills.

That said, I hope Tintin makes it to the Oscars and can’t really wait for the two projected sequels.

Mocking Rick Santorum's pain for his dead baby is despicable. Rectify your evilness. NOW!

2012-01-08T11:32:00.000-08:00

It is a rule for all the members of the sipmac team not to write or speak about their personal lives in any of our blogs. We’re bloggers, not divas. In the libertarian sense, we feel we don’t need no badge to be considered with the same rights as journalists, specially if we follow the same rules. Two hundred years ago, no journalist asked the state for permission to publish (their publications just got closed when they became uncomfortable enough).

But I digress. I will make an exception for the “personal live rule” today because I want to use this modest podium to energically protest the unspeakable way the mainstream press in the USA is cruelly mocking the way presidential hopeful Rick Santorum handled with her wife the death of their baby Gabriel a few years ago.

You may disagree with Santorum’s ideology, but this mockery is way beyond the line. It is pure depravity distilled. For people that claim to be sensitive, that take pride in their alleged empathy, it is truly their lowest point in their careers so far. It happened before with Trig, Sarah Palin’s son with Down syndrome, now it happens to a baby that was born alive but died after two hours.

As a father whose only son died two days after being born, words fail me to describe the disgust and the ire I feel reading and watching those considering themselves the voice of reason, more sophisticated than those clinging-to-their-guns-and-their-religion "troglodytes", but somehow petty and dishonest enough to score a paltry and shallow political victory by demeaning and defiling the pain a grieving father feels, just because he is a political adversary.

It is not a story about cultural divide. It is a story about how partisan journalists won’t stop at virtually nothing to advance their agendas and destroy their perceived enemies.

The end justifies the means. Is this your creed? Is this the way you want to get Obama reelected?

Shame on you!

Demotivational Posters for Early-January

2012-01-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

Who said January was a slow month in news? There’s plenty to look at with our irregularly-appearing-but-almost-traditional Demotivational Posters. They almost write themselves!

Thanks to all those public figures that make my work a lot easier.

Honestidad Brutal en Publicidad

2011-12-27T15:15:00.000-08:00

El año está en su recta final, la mayoría esta con los suyos y bien desvinculados de la blogosfera, a diferencia mía. Y es que no puede ser para menos: porque se gesta ahora una nueva era en la publicidad, la que había sido anticipada por Dudley Moore en "Crazy People" hace más de 20 años: la llamaban "Publicidad Honesta", y yo la llamaría "Honestidad Brutal en Publicidad."

Para que circunloquios, si se puede llamar al pan, pan y al vino, vino; y a la crema para las hemorroides:
No nos sorprenda entonces que en el futuro la fluoxetina (más conocida como Prozac) se comercialice así:

Y que decir del citrato de sildenafilo, a.k.a. Viagra:

Y los laxantes ya no tendrán por qué disimular nada:

Basta ya de publicidad políticamente correcta, carajo!

North Korea is so lonely...

2011-12-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

It’s beyond the describable for western (even eastern) ears what is going on in North Korea. The most perfect police state is every George Orwell’s nightmare come true. Maybe you should try Cracked.com or what the late (and much mourned) Christopher Hitchens wrote.

Now that the dear leader Kim Jong Il dies, in true pharaoh fashion, his grieving army launches a missile to scare South Korea even more.

Now the last perfect Stalinist state keeps on living its pharaonical fantasy: Kim’s son, Kim Jong Un, is appointed supreme leader and nobody knows what is going to happen next. Why? Because we knew a thing or two about the ridiculously megalomaniac Il, but we don’t know jack about Un. Even knowing Il was a madman was an advantage.

I’m leaving you now with a not-so-inaccurate portrait of the deceased (and much mourned) leader, performing in “Team America: World Police” the un-pc and tender ballad “I’m so Ronery.”

Ever wonder what a socialistic, all-poweful state can achieve? Visit North Korea

You will never work again in this town: a celebrities' all-out slugfest

2011-12-16T16:44:00.000-08:00

Wordpress messed with my access to Opinion Renegada, so I asked April Camus and Dr. sipmac to post this here in the meanwhile. Enjoy:

Glamour aside, working in Hollywood is like being stuck in the most uncomfortable cubicle of the meanest soul-sucking corporation. So much for leaving it all to follow your celluloid dreams… today I found this article, and I wanted to share what the fray had to add.

Let the festivities begin!

“Like sleeping in bed with a girl” – Ava Gardner on ex hubby Frank Sinatra
“Go shave off your goddamn mustache you c**t” – Judy Garland to Ginger Rogers, inscribed on a stein beer mug
“She knew how to sleep with the right people” – Liza Minnelli on Grace Kelly’s Oscar win
“Her singing voice can peel paint off walls” – Judy Garland on Kathryn Grayson
“She had so much ice water in her veins that she was pissing it” – Ramon Novarro on co-star Jeanette MacDonald
“I am aware of how Miss Davis felt about my makeup in Baby Jane, but my reasons for appearing somewhat glamorous were just as valid as hers, with all those layers of rice powder she wore and that ghastly lipstick. But Miss Davis was always partial to covering up her face in motion pictures. She called it ‘Art.’ Others might call it camouflage- a cover-up for the
absence of any real beauty. ” – Joan on Bette in ‘Baby Jane’
“I’d wring her neck if I can find it” – Noel Coward on Claudette Colbert
“It should have been called ‘All About Me’, dahling!’ – Tallulah Bankhead on Bette Davis in ‘All About Eve’
“When she married him [Vincente Minnelli], I told Judy Garland directly to her face that I’d never shed another tear for her.” – Butterfly McQueen
“It was the most shocking display of bad taste I have ever seen. Look, there’s nothing wrong with my tits, but I don’t go around throwing them in people’s faces.” – Joan Crawford on Marilyn Monroe
“That little Barbra Streisand turned out to be a big ol’ shit” – Vivian Vance
“I could smell his dentures when we were doing a kissing scene, which reeked of cigar smoke.” – Vivien Leigh on Clark Gable
“My mother told me to only speak good of the dead. Joan Crawford is dead. Thank God!” – Bette Davis
“”He played my father in my first picture [A Bill of Divorcement]. His attentions were very unfatherly. When we finished shooting I went up to him and said ‘Thank God I don’t have to act with YOU anymore!’ and he simply said ‘I didn’t know you ever HAD, darling!’” – Kate Hepburn on John Barrymore
“Who does she think she isn’t?” – Yves Montand on Shirley MacLaine
“Elvis not only dyed his blonde hair black, which he thought was more butch, but in some of his movies he wore more eyeliner than his leading ladies” – former co-star Alejandro Rey
“I did a movie with Duke Wayne and was shocked to learn he had small feet and wore lifts and a corset. Hollywood is seldom what it seems” – Rock Hudson
“Brando used to be a huge star, now he’s just huge” – former co-star Brian Keith
“Bob Hope would attend the opening of a supermarket” – Marlon Brando
“I saw this empty taxcab pull up and out hopped Sam Goldwyn” – Bob Hope
“Marilyn was smart for only 10 minutes in her life, and that was the time it took to sign with Darryl Zanuck” – Anne Baxter
“That broad’s got a great future behind her” – Betty Grable on Marilyn Monroe
“THAT DYKE!” – Liz Taylor on Marilyn Monroe, in Marilyn’s prescence
“She is a spoiled, indulgent girl, a blemish on public decency” – Joan Crawford on Liz Taylor
“God it was awful. He can sing but he can’t do much else” – Natalie Wood on her brief fling with Elvis
“Duke Wayne had 4 inch lifts in his shoes.. he was probably buried in those goddamn lifts” – Robert Mitchum
Tony Curtis about kissing Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot. Take it away, Tony! “It was like kissing Hitler”.
The costume designer, when he was making adjustments to Curtis’ female outfit, told MM that Curtis had a better ass than she did. She opened her blouse and shouted “Yeah, but he doesn’t have t**s like these!”
“I found out that Carole Lombard wasn’t a natural blonde. We’re in her dressing room talking while shooting Bolero and she starts taking her clothes off. I didn’t know what to do!… then she starts mixing peroxide in a bowl and with a piece cotton began to apply the liquid to dye the hair around her honey pot. She glanced up at me and said ‘Relax Georgie, I’m just making my collars and my cuffs match’” – George Raft
“Orson Welles always carries a little suitcase around with him because he’s ashamed of his small nose. He always puts a little putty or something on it.” – Jeanne Moreau
“Think what my brother would’ve acheived if he had been celibate” – Shirley MacLaine
“Woody Allen… is an evil man.” – Maureen O’Sullivan
“I worked with Gig Young once in a film. You don’t get to know a man and you never know what he’s going to do. He had a bland personality, good looks, somewhat sad smile, and years later after he remarries for the second or third time he kills his wife! And I always thought the best of people!” – Joan Blondell
“George C. Scott. Great actor. Big drinker. Wife beater. What else do you want to know?” – ex-wife Colleen Dewhurst
“The least couth actress I’ve ever worked with? Bette Davis” – Helen Hayes
“I’m Number 10 at the box office right behind HER! [Barbra Streisand]. Get me a bag I think I’m going to vomit” – Walter Matthau
“C.B. DeMille invited me to a private screening of ‘Samson and Delilah’ Afterward he asked me how I liked it. I replied: ‘I never like a movie where Vic Mature’s tits are bigger than Hedy Lamarr’s'” – Groucho Marx
“I always thought that Jane Fonda had a stunning figure. Did you see ‘Barbarella’? Why did she need do get a boob job? Just because her husband had an affair with a younger woman? What kind of role model solves her problems by making her bust bigger?” – Sandy Dennis
“Chuck Heston has made acting in period pictures an art. A minor art.” – Ava Gardner
“I said to Marilyn on the set of ‘Prince and the Showgirl’, ‘Why can’t you get here on time for f**k’s sake?’ And she replied ‘Oh, you have that word in England too?’” – Laurence Olivier
“Goddamit, when is she going to be here, she’s going to give me a heart attack.” – Clark Gable about Marilyn Monroe on the set of The Misfits.
“She was frightened, insecure. During our scenes in ‘How to Marry a Millionaire’, she’d look at my forehead instead of my eyes. A scene took probably 15 or more takes. I couldn’t dislike Marilyn, she had no meanness in her” – Lauren Bacall
“She was the biggest bitch in show business, thank God I’ll never have to work with her again!” – Tom Bosley on Lucille Ball
“Bruce Lee was an egomaniac. He thought it terrible that he had to be just a movie star when he really wanted to be a dictator. I’m not kidding!” – Lee Marvin
“I wouldn’t say she’s dumb, but one time she squealed out loud on set that she had a terrific idea. The director stared at her and said ‘Treat it gently dear, it’s in a strange place.’” – Tony Randall on Jayne Mansfield, who had an above average IQ.
“Yes I have acted with Clint Eastwood. Or rather I have acted opposite Clint Eastwood” – Geraldine Page
“Gerry Page is a superb Method actress. I once asked her what her secret is and she replied ‘Talent’” – Helen Hayes
“I didn’t know what to make of Patty Duke’s erratic behavior. I thought she was a Method actress but then I was informed she was manic depressive” – Elsa Lanchester
“I loved Bill Holden, but I couldn’t have knowingly married an alcoholic” – Audrey Hepburn
“Joan Crawford was on the set, knitting. Lana Turner rushed over to her and yelled ‘The Japanese have destroyed Pearl Harbor!’ Joan looked up at her and said ‘Oh… my dear, who was she?’” – Mary Astor
“I’ve never been a fan of Woody Allen. Many people say he’s the funniest in the world. I find him neurotic” – George C. Scott.
“Abbott and Costello were famous for stealing furniture from their sets without the directors calling them out on it. But one did and Lou went home one day and saw that his grand piano was missing. The director made them return EVERYTHING they stole from the set.” – Joe Besser
“I was in one of Woody Allen’s movies [Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask]. When I met him, I wondered how he was qualified to direct this movie”. – John Carradine.
“On the set with Chuck Heston, we’d be sitting side by side for 20 minutes and finally I’d turn to him and say ‘You know you can’t sit next to somebody for half an hour and not even say hello. He boomed ‘WELL I CAN!’” – Edward G. Robinson.
“Never mind Arthur, Pomona isn’t Lucille’s town.” – Judy Garland to Arthur Freed after a disasterous preview of Yolanda and the Thief, starring Freed’s mistress Lucille Bremer
“Barbara Parkins… was so rude and petty all of the time. I just found her behavior to be so silly.”–Lana Wood, her co-star on Peyton Place.
“John Wayne was the meanest, nastiest man with the worst attitude that I ever worked with.”–Jill Haworth, his co-star in In Harm’s Way.
“Stella Stevens was a pain in the ass. They [the crew] called her Madame Stella–she thought she was some great stellar star. And she wasn’t really much of anything at the time [1962].”–Laurel Goodwin, her co-star in Girls! Girls! Girls!
“Raquel Welch was a probelm on this movie and she was a major, major bitch.”–Lori Williams, her co-star in A Swingin’ Summer.
“Jill St. John is an unbelievably cruel person who I am not fond of in the least!”–Quinn O’Hara, her co-star in Who’s Minding the Store?
“Joey Bishop knew my husband at the time and he still came on to me. I was so angry at that asshole. I just felt that he was an absolute creep.”–Sharyn Hillyer, his co-star in A Guide for the Married Man.
Jerry Lewis on Groucho Marx: “He took everything he heard at a cocktail party and turned it into material.”
Red Skelton at disliked studio head Harry Cohn’s crowded funeral: “Give the people what they want and you’ll always sell out.”
James Cagney on Horst Bucholz: “I’d like to knock him ass-over-tea kettle”
After completing A Bill of Divorcement, Katharine Hepburn told John Barrymore, “I will never act with you again,” whereupon Barrymore replied, “you never have.”
When director Sam Wood said to Groucho Marx, “you can’t make an actor out of clay,” Groucho retorted, “nor a director out of Wood.”
“Mary Ann Mobley was a phony. She was saccharine, sweet and phony!”–Chris Noel, her co-star in Girl Happy.

Cut!

Time Magazine snubbed Copper Pooper as Person of the Year!

2011-12-15T08:44:00.001-08:00

It’s so easy to romanticize mobs that yell for freedom, not knowing to whom they are really working for. Witness TIME Magazine, which selected as Person of the Year… THE PROTESTER. The protester does not have a name but in the mandatory vein of the political correctness movement, looks like a Muslim woman.

In a way, it is absolutely correct this magazine cover. According to recent elections, the Muslim Brotherhood is on the verge of funding new sharia — based theocratic societies in the Middle East. As I said, they do not know to whom they are really working for, nor Time nor THE PROTESTER.

The real gender of THE PROTESTER should be male, and is known by now as Copper Pooper, who occupied Wall Street, and wanted to show how to achieve a better world, by literally dumping on a police patrol, while the whole world was watching.

He must have a Ché Guevara T-shirt and he knows not why…

A-Holes of 2011 - Second Semester Edition!

2011-12-05T15:06:00.000-08:00

Our traditional countdown of yearly a-holes makes its second semester appearance! This time, a fair and balanced cast between newcomers and serial offenders stole the spotlight that Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger and other politicos eagerly craved. For instance, this semester’s list features:

1. Levi Johnston: a lightweight by definition, this former, estranged fiancé of Bristol Palin and father of Trigg, their sole child. Now and in the same venue as Ronald Reagan Jr., Johnston has made a living by trashing her former in-laws and the mother of her child (Somehow unexpectedly, his plan of a modeling/acting career in Hollywood never took off). The Palins, always the classier ones, have remained silent about Johnston’s attempts to milk them as a cash cow, even when he published this year his memoir “Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs.” Jimmy Carter had to endure his brother Billy Beer, Bill Clinton had to deal with his embarrassing brothers and sisters, so it’s perfectly natural for the Palins the need to deal with a family a-hole.

2. Jimmy Fallon / Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson: speaking of a total lack of class, the less-than-cavalierly attitude regarding GOP presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann is outright cowardly and miserably despicable. Cheap shots and entrapments are expected for republicans in liberal controlled media (witness Newsweek’s cover photo of the same Michelle), but that didn’t stop Thompson from going really low: he and the house band played “Lyin’ Ass Bitch” when Congresswoman Bachmann entered the show. Besides, he bragged in twitter what he was up to prior to the appearance. Jimmy Fallon reaction? “@Questlove is grounded.” NBC reaction? None.

3. Copper Pooper: ever wondered what would be the face of #OccupyWallStreet in the history books? Don’t look any more for peppered protestors; Copper Pooper is here to stay! Lacking even more class than Johnston, Fallon and Questlove combined, Copper Pooper thinks that the right way to show the piggies how he thinks about them is taking a dump in a police car. Pooper: the whole world watched you, a-hole!

4. Miley Cirus: conventional wisdom says that a clean, wholesome image is an asset when you’re a teenage star, but a huge liability when you want to reach adulthood with the same star status. So, you start appearing nude in magazines, smoking pot (to shiver your “innocence” away) and becoming “transcendent” by supporting trendy causes. Miley decided to dedicate a year-old song to the #OWS Movement. Her support fell flat with the protesters, and her PR stunt failed miserably. Being the visible head of a billion-dollars franchise, anointed by none other than the Mouse himself, as having an estimated personal fortune in the ranks of $ 120 million, nobody was there to buy her sincerity and support to the cause. Jay-Z couldn’t, either. The only one that gets away by combining huge wealth, socialist activism and hypocrisy is Michael Moore.

5. Timochenko: Rodrigo Londoño Echeverri, a.k.a. Timoleón Jiménez, a.k.a. Timochenko, is the new head honcho of the farc, the oldest guerrilla army in the western hemisphere. The Colombian army recently attempted to rescue long time kidnapped soldiers and policemen, and the operative ended in tragedy. The sole survivor of the kidnapped succeeded in surviving by running to the opposite direction the guerilleros told him: far away from them. The rest of his companions stayed with their captors, only to get summarily executed. A few days later, the tyrant wannabe dares to express his condolences to the victims’ families, miserably and cynically attempting to whitewash any responsibility, dumping it on the Colombian army and the president. Absolutely nobody bought it. BTW, Juan Manuel Santos seemed to interpret the sentiments of his compatriots when he answered: Don’t take us for assholes!

6. Piedad Córdoba: I wasn’t accurate when I said nobody bought Timochenko’s story. Not only the former Senator did believe it, but dared to put the blame entirely on the president, alleging that the release of the war prisoners… er, kidnapped was already on the way when the liberation operative took place. Matter-of-factly, Córdoba casted her doubts on the nature of the deaths, implying they could have being because of the crossfire and not of executions, irresponsibly contradicting both the forensic reports and the account of the sole survivor of the gruesome ordeal.

7. Michael Mann/Phil Jones: two words: Climategate 2.0. The main stars of this entanglement of lies, doctored climate reports and mafia-style repression of dissent, remain defiant and unrepentant, despite the amount of evidence in the form of leaked e-mails.

See ya next semester!

Joe the Puppeteer and Wall Street got bailed out by Joe the Plumber?

2011-12-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

Joe Therrien, a New York City public – school drama teacher, wasn’t satisfied with neither the educational system nor his life, so he decided to pursue his lifelong dream: he went to the University of Connecticut to earn a MFA… in puppetry.

Apart from metaphors and Metallica seminal albums, I didn’t realize there were actual degrees mastering the intricate discipline of puppetry. It has to be one, at least. Otherwise, how could you create such gems as Thunderbirds, Team America and yes, Sesame Street and the Muppets?

So, Mr. Therrien discovered after dropping everything to pursue his dreams, that the job market wasn’t so hot for his new, highly specialized skills, and feeling painted into a corner, he did what was expected for a person in those circumstances: he took to the streets and joined the #ocuppywallstreet movement. Not surprisingly at all, Therrien’s puppeteering expertise has found a proper outlet to thrive.

Therrien personal demands go as this: he wants the US Government to forgive his student loans and land him a more steadier job than he currently has (Apparently, NYC cannot hire him with the same conditions as before). And why not? If the Obama administration bailed out Wall Street from its repeated fiascoes, why not trying to bail out its individual citizens? Are they less deserving of a bailout?

That’s the downside of current system: as the great Frédéric Bastiat once pointed, “the State is the great fiction through which everyone endeavours to live at the expense of everyone else”. The whole banking and stock system can mess day in and day out its shenanigans, knowing that they are “too big to fail” and someone else (i.e., the taxpayer) will pick the tab. Fairly logically, people like Mr. Therrien, that make bad choices with their careers can expect and demand the caring touch of the government and keep on living at the expense of the taxpayers.

If we want to get out of the deep hole we dug us into, the fancy notion that CEOs must get paid by the company’s stock performance, instead of its growth, must disappear for good. That model is completely unsustainable. Payment of high bonuses, even when companies fail, only because there is some bailout money handed by the government, is downright roguish. That said, it would become clearer to see that New York City’s taxpayers owe Mr. Therrien absolutely nothing, and he’s still stuck with $ 36.000 that anyhow is going to remind him that his plan to get paid an additional yearly $ 10.000 in the city’s school system, is still backfiring the big time.

What’s baffling me is the uncanny ability of the big education racket to pass completely unnoticed in its pretentions to provide “knowledge” that translate into big, shiny, beautiful diplomas but not a serious chance to land their owners a job (unless the government makes an opening). A Master of Fine Arts in Puppetry? How? The big education racket answers these questions if you cross its palm with US$ 36.000, what costs about 90 to 130 puppet camps entry fees.

Almost four years ago, Joe Wurzelbacher, an unemployed plumber who dream big, confronted the presidential hopeful Barack Obama, who patronized him by telling that it was necessary to “spread the wealth”, specially if he decided to make it big pursuing his entrepreneurial dreams and earn more than $ 250 K a year. Now we know why: to pay both the Wall Street fat cat banker’s bonuses and (hopefully for him), Joe the Puppeteer.

Demotivational Posters for Late-October

2011-10-28T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hoping that Bloodthirsty Liberal and Brutally Honest nailed the real thing. Otherwise, they've still nailed it!. - Dr. sipmac.

Thanks to all those #OccupyWallStreet protestors that made our work at sipmacrants! a lot easier.

Nueces y senos: Mensajes subliminales en la comida?

2011-10-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

En lo que a mí concierne, no creo en mensajes subliminales. Al menos no en la forma "mágica" que algunos le atribuyen al hecho de camuflar una "imagen-instrucción" que automáticamente obliga a la gente que es manipulada, a hacer algo en contra de su voluntad. Pero sí creo en que la sutileza y la repetición constante pueden influir en lo que llamamos "opinión pública." Para mí no deja de ser curioso que en un paquete de maní una inocente y estilizada pareja bailando en una disco:

Se parezca bastante a un torso de mujer que se contonea:

Bueno, a la larga eso no tiene nada de raro. Al fin y al cabo el sexo sirve para vender de todo.

Incluso blogs.

Un resplandor arhuaco en la Sierra Nevada, la tierra del olvido

2011-10-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Uno de los clásicos del cine de terror es sin duda "El Resplandor", o "The Shining". Basado en una novela de Stephen King, fue llevado a la pantalla grande por nadie menos que Stanley Kubrick, el autor de gemas de la cinematografía mundial tales como "Lolita", "Full Metal Jacket", "2001: A Space Odyssey" y esa que es la autobiográfica de Dr. sipmac (el fundador del blog que me derrocó recientemente a pesar de haber tenido una severa crisis de nervios que lo puso fuera de combate).

En fin, es de conocimiento público que Stephen King no quedó muy contento con el tratamiento que Kubrick le dio a su novela. Cualquier despistado como nuestro venerable April Camus pensaría que lo que sacó de casillas a King sería la muerte de Dick Halloran, pero no. Otro tipo de despistado como Dr. sipmac, e incluso Paul Maršić pensarían que la molestia del prolífico escritor estaría en que el presunto autor del film del "apócrifo alunizaje de 1969" no se enfocó en la tragedia del escritor borracho y frustrado incapaz de terminar una OBRA insignficante (pero que lo carcomía), rebajando el cataclísmico tormento de Jack Torrance a un miserable (y en cierta forma trivial) delirio esquizofrénico (All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy).

Bueno, para mí no es así. Cualquiera que lea el excelente ensayo de la "Witty Wikipedia", Craked.com, se dará cuenta que el laureado director llevó una trepidante novela de terror a un nuevo nivel: convirtió una historia de terror y demencia sobre una entidad sobrenatural que hacía del Hotel Overlook un vampiro que se cebaba en sus habitantes, en una alegoría sobre el despojo que representó la colonización europea de Estados Unidos y de la conquista del continente americano por parte de los europeos en general.

Cualquiera que vea la película, se fije en el vestuario y los fotogramas se convencerá de que eso es así y sin atenuantes. Jack Nicholson es el hombre blanco que llegó a despojar a los nativos americanos en una edificación convenientemente levantada sobre un cementerio indígena, tal como la civilización americana se levantó virtualmente aquí.

Lo que nos lleva a nuestro atropello-despojo del año 2011: para bien o para mal los raizales de San Andrés tienen que convivir con cartageneros y antioqueños (al fin y al cabo son colombianos), incluso con inmigrantes árabes (como sucedió en la costa atlántica colombiana); igual la Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta que fue territorio arhuaco se encontró también con la colonización de quienes somos puñal y herida. No es que Carlos Vives haya escurrido el bulto, es que la Sierra Nevada en buena parte no es de los arhuacos, es propiedad privada, en eso tiene razón.

En lo que las comunidades virtuales (redes sociales) tienen toda la razón es que no se puede permitir que se edifique un hotel de super lujo en la Sierra Nevada. A los samarios no les faltaba razón en llamar "cagaplayas" a quienes invadían El Rodadero y las playas de la Sierra para dejar un reguero de hojas de bijao y ni un centavo a sus disgustados anfitriones. Pero así se erija un hotel de siete estrellas, sus visitantes, por muy ilustres y multimillonarios que fuesen, no dejarían de ser unos "cagaplayas" también. Bien pueden seguir asoleándose desnudos y fumando marihuana en la Costa Azul o en Copacabana.

Es hora de que quienes somos puñal y herida dejemos tranquilos y en paz a quienes son sólo herida por una vez y respetemos su tierra, su herencia, su querencia, la que todavía es de ellos. No tenemos ningún derecho a seguir importunándolos.

Mob lynching Herman Cain: because he doesn’t conform to the stereotype

2011-10-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

By Marc Ipsula

Is Herman Cain Black?

Well, according to Al Sharpton, Harry Belafonte, Jesse Jackson and Kevin Blackistone among others, he’s not.

To Harry Belafonte, an avowed communist by the way, this is just mere routine: every black GOPer is by definition a “House Negro”, a strong derogatory term (early applied to those trusted slaves that could serve inside the slavemaster’s house instead of the plantation), akin to “Uncle Tom”, witnesses Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice.

The righteous prejudice-and-discrimination fighters ironically seem to embrace a very particular stereotype of the American black:

- An American black is a victim, will always be a victim. No matter what happens or does, the American black must always act like a victim.
- An American black must be angry and resentful all the time.
- An American black must expect everything spoon-fed by the government.
- Most important, an American black must embrace liberalism as the correct ideology and always vote Democrat.

As you may suspect, presidential hopeful Herman Cain is none of this. His attitude is one of amiable straightforwardness and perennial optimism. He grew up in the Deep South during the segregation era but he overcame this to become a mathematician and later a Master’s degree in computer science. The CEO stunt at Godfather’s Pizza was only one episode of a fruitful career in the private sector. Maybe Sharpton, Belafonte et al. could oversee all this if Herman Cain weren’t a Republican. And a conservative.

As I said, this is anathema to liberals in general. A black cannot be a conservative and a Republican. This contradicts the political narrative that keeps blacks voting Democrat as a bloc, election after election, as Lyndon B. Johnson boasted once (the n---s would vote Democrat for 200 years).

Civil Rights laws have always been seen as a Democrat achievement, and Republicans always failed to claim their due credit. As they fail to pinpoint the fact that the most reactionary, vocal (and material) supporters of segregation in the civil rights advent era, i.e., the likes of Bull Connor and George Wallace, were Democrats. As Al Gore always manages to duck the fact that his father was as unreconstructed as J. William Fulbright (Bill Clinton’s political mentor) or Jimmy Carter could be. Do you doubt me? After Barack Obama’s election, Teddy Kennedy leaked the fact that when Clinton was looking for the dying senator’s endorsement to Hillary’s campaign in 2008, he tried to convince Kennedy by affirming that Barack Obama should be serving them coffee.

These are the people that, with no little help from Sharpton, Jackson, Belafonte et al., will attempt to lynch Herman Cain before he has a chance to spread his message, the very opposite of those spoiled kids occupying Wall Street. The character assassination just began, by declaring him “not black”.

FULL DISCLOSURE 1: @sipmacrants decided to follow @THEHermanCain WAY before it was trendy enough. I should credit Dr. sipmac with this witty decision.

FULL DISCLOSURE 2: Marc Ispula’s ancestry is as diverse as Barack Obama’s or even Tiger Wood’s. Yep, arawak, black, Spaniard and Italian ancestors are in the mix.

El Barón de Münchhausen o el ADN del humor actual

2011-10-12T17:22:00.000-07:00

Si se le puede creer a la Wikipedia, Karl Friedrich Hieronymus no estaba muy a gusto con la reputación de embustero que se consiguió con la publicación de sus desopilantes "aventuras." Se dice también que muchas de sus "vivencias" llevaban ya algún tiempo circulando como folclor. Lo innegable es que el Barón de Münchhausen era un cuentista en todos los sentidos de la acepción castiza.

Han sido tantas las versiones y adaptaciones de las "historias" del Barón, que estoy seguro ahora estaría a gusto con la reputación con la que pasó a la historia. Es innegable que el personaje tenía algún atractivo en vida, y de acuerdo a la versión de Rudolf E. Raspe puede ser fácilmente corroborado.

Por su probada capacidad y gracia para contar sartas interminables de embustes, no es difícil imaginarse al Barón haciendo un stand up comedy en Nueva York, o usurpando el título de rey del "realismo mágico" a Gabriel García Márquez. Leyéndolo, aprendemos que la "mamadera de gallo" no es parte exclusiva de la idiosincracia colombiana, sino de la naturaleza humana.

Reconforta saber entonces que la humanidad no ha cambiado un ápice y que su ADN humorístico sigue intacto.

De todas las cosas que se afirman, un par puede ser completamente ciertas: la primera, que la innata arrogancia de la entonces emergente corriente racionalista e ilustrada le producía sin lugar a dudas cierta hilaridad al Barón. La segunda, que no le gustaba Italia. (ni los italianos de la época) Y como bonus track, que no veía con malos ojos la Reforma ni lo que proponía.

Unos dicen "Más Platón y menos Prozac"; yo diría "más Münchhausen y menos Popper"

Note to farc: RELEASE THE GIRL. WITHOUT CONDITIONS. RIGHT NOW!

2011-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

Nhora Valentina Muñoz is a 10-year old girl, yet she might be (outrageously) considered a “political hostage” and the payment of a ransom is even (unreasonably) expected. Why? It is not because she’s the daughter of the mayor of a small town in the northeastern part of Colombia. It is because the revolutionary armed forces of Colombia, a.k.a. farc frigging said so.

The almost 60-year old guerrilla does what it wants and there is not accountability to its horrendous crimes. It looks that when the guerilla is nearing to a negotiation of a peace treaty (as they are surreptitiously doing it now), it has to find a way to shock the public opinion and turn it against it. And boy they always find a (gory, revolting) way.

Horrendous crimes like the killing of a very old and beloved priest, the denial of the release of a kidnapped officer whose child was dying of cancer, and other alike criminal gestures preceded the abrupt ending of peace talks. If the guerilla honchos think that shows their strength at the negotiating table, they should have learned by now those actions only show their brutality, their inhumanity and their unwillingness to negotiate but to gain time, influence and terrain to control while sitting at the table.

Juan Manuel Santos, the current Colombian president, knows that the Colombians are not in the mood for a peace talk after the utter failure of the last effort the Pastrana administration made to reach the cherished goal. Colombians elected Alvaro Uribe Vélez to treat the guerilla with an iron fist and after he left office, they still want a defeated guerilla, not a negotiating one. Yet Santos tries to find a way to initiate peace talks with the highest secrecy. And the kidnapping of 10-year old girl shows pretty clearly which are the intentions of the guerilla, and most jaw dropping, they haven’t changed a bit in almost 60 years.

RELEASE THE GIRL. WITHOUT CONDITIONS. RIGHT NOW!

El Ciempiés Humano: ¿La Franquicia más asquerosa (y peligrosa) del cine?

2011-10-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

Advertencia: puede contener spoilers. El tema puede ser considerado ofensivo por algunos (si no todos). Se recomienda discreción.

Siempre habrá un calenturiento desquiciado que quiera llevar a la vida real lo que vio en el cine. Sucedió ya con Eric Holder y “Fast and Furious” (Rápido y Furioso), Serena Gronow y Rebecca Wilson con “Thelma & Louise”, Adolf Hitler con “The Great Dictator” (El Gran Dictador)…

Bueno, ésa última pudo haber sido más bien al revés. Como no pudo haber sido que a pesar de tanto gore y brutalidad que “Saw” y “Hostel” nos brindaron en los últimos años, alguien los haya superado en sordidez con una idea más sencilla pero con una depravación aún mayor: La franquicia “The Human Centipede” (El Ciempiés Humano).

No debe ser para nada gratuito que el holandés Tom Six haya estado involucrado en el origen de “Big Brother” (Gran Hermano), ese concepto degenerado en que los incautos transan la fama por la dignidad y privacidad. Añádase el hecho que una vez postuló que el castigo apropiado para un pederasta era que le cosieran la boca al ano de un camionero, y simplemente despegaría el proceso que dio origen a la franquicia probablemente más guarra del género de terror.

Las críticas se dividen alrededor de las dos primeras entregas de la proyectada trilogía sobre si son películas (y arte) por derecho propio, o simples ejercicios de pornografía de tortura. El tema central de la saga es construir un ciempiés humano, cosiendo bocas a los anos y formando un solo tracto digestivo. El concepto no llegaría a ninguna parte sólo con el elemento gore-schlock: son los villanos de ambas cintas lo que las elevan (por decirlo de alguna forma). Y es que se podrá decir lo que sea de Six, pero a la hora de hacer casting de villanos, se lleva las palmas. Laurence R. Harvey y Dieter Laser hacen cada uno por su cuenta que Hannibal Lecter parezca un pobre infeliz papanatas que no sabe nada de lo que es un placer degenerado.

Cuando para mí era imposible encontrar una forma de crear una secuela a la primera entrega (El personaje de Dieter Laser muere), Six utiliza un recurso tan sencillo que uno se pregunta el por qué no se le había ocurrido a uno antes: alguien de la “vida real” se obsesiona con la película y decide hacer su propia versión del ciempiés humano. A pesar de las anotaciones y los planos, Martin, el nuevo retorcido villano, no tiene el bagaje del cirujano plástico de la película, así que el nuevo ciempiés será aun más burdo y grotesco que el primero.

Y falta un tercer ciempiés. Y ya estoy seguro que Tom Six no tendrá problemas para encontrar una nueva premisa (mientras que no sea un reality show, plis…).

Lo que me llena de inquietud. En un país lleno de Garavitos y paracos con motosierras (y serruchos), donde el “corte de corbata” se conviertió en una tarjeta de visita internacional del criminal colombiano… no, seamos francos: en un mundo donde “Hostel” y “Saw” se volvieron franquicias exitosas y multimillonarias vendiendo degradación y sangre al por mayor, donde la gente disfruta viendo representado el sufrimiento más extremo y envilecido…

¿Será acaso cuestión de tiempo para que sepamos de algún ciempiés humano en nuestro mundo real?

Regresa con nuevo look Marc Ipsula!

iRREPLACEABLE - Steve Jobs has passed away

2011-10-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

Apple was always the Media Darling. IBM and Microsoft have to keep toiling and earning gazillions, only to be seen as philistines. Apple was always the golden standard. Steve Jobs kept fighting and innovating (always innovating!) until Apple became the number one in everybody’s minds. At 56 years, he could claim a huge victory.

As I said, I’m no computer geek, but I have to praise the style and the grace of Apple products. And Pixar movies, especially The Incredibles.

Farewell, Steve.

The Sipmsons: Th-th-th-that’s all folks?

2011-10-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

It’s like this: the main cast cashes 8 million per season each, then they get a paltry union mandated residual for reruns and syndication, but nothing else. The novelty and the freshness wore off a long time ago; hence the ratings are not what they used to be (a paltry third of its prime). The main cast boss is even more reviled than Charles Montgomery Burns and a standoff was unavoidable.

Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Grampa Simpson, Krusty the Clown, and others), Julie Kavner (Marge and others), Nancy Cartwright (Bart and others), Yeardley Smith (Lisa), Hank Azaria (Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon), and Harry Shearer (Mr. Burns, Principal Skinner, Ned Flanders, and others) each earn about $8 million annually for about 22 weeks’ work. Fox offered a 45% pay cut with absolutely no sweeteners. The counteroffer took the form of a 30% cut with a tiny fraction of all the huge back-end profits the network receives from syndication and franchising. Fox said no way.

In the end, after 500 episodes and absolutely no fear of diluting a winning franchise, Fox says it’s not afraid of axing the longest running series in American TV history, either.

I say it’s about time.

The Simpsons and I parted ways the season when Homer and Marge ate uranium and Bart ate tomacco. I found the movie okay and that was pretty much it. It’s sad the animated sitcom didn’t find its Great Gazoo that would mercifully kill it, so that the memories of seven or eight good seasons could be preserved. But no, we have to endure craptacular irritating annoyance season after season in order to appreciate only two good quality episodes.

I cannot understand why people are raving mad about the series cancellation; even now we’re not sure if this is not a gimmick to embig a little bit the ratings. I cannot understand the twitter threads. I cannot understand the facebook frenzy. 500 episodes is not enough?

Another fact is that The Simpsons were so groundbreaking that they had to take the same path of Citizen Kane and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. They became revered artifacts but are not paid attention anymore. Don’t you think so? South Park is experiencing some of the same problems now; hey, even Family Guy is more interesting and funnier now (it will take the same path eventually).

The Simpsons started with the truly remarkable ambition of being more realistic than any flesh-and-blood sitcom of its time (Family Ties and The Cosby Show were on the crosshairs). It succeeded. Then it departed from its initial goal having already changed pop culture forever; while the new flesh-and-blood sitcoms tried to capture its irreverence and joie de vivre, The Simpsons began its slow demise into irrelevance. By having a huge and loyal following, nobody noticed this.

It should have ended with a bang. Instead, the acrimony of a nasty divorce takes the spotlight instead of the series.

And no catchphrase will lighten me up now. Meh, indeed.

Hank Williams Jr.: You're no Dixie Chick, just shut up and sing!

2011-10-03T22:02:00.001-07:00

In 2003, one of the Dixie Chicks regretted publicly and outside the U.S. that her president George W. Bush the 43rd came from the same state as they did. Turmoil followed, because it was a “treacherous” thing to do. Right wing commentators attacked the country music artists because the USA was in a war against terror and they were aiding and abetting terrorists with their very words. Treacherous or not, in simpler but more elegant times, artists didn’t engage in polemic statements outside their homelands.

Granted this, the Chicks were exercising her free speech after all. Eventually, and allegedly after Laura Bush let her husband proceed, the president himself told the people to refrain from abusing the girls. A documentary about the bravery of the Dixie Chicks was filmed afterwards, as a testament to the first ammendment martyrs.

It has to be a really great feat to be a son of a country music legend and make a name for you anyway. Hank Williams Jr. did it anyway. Yesterday he compared president Obama to Hitler in “Fox and Friends”, just because Hank supports Israel and doesn’t find the president’s behavior very supportive at all.

Turmoil followed, because it was a “racist” thing to do, and his appearances were pulled out from “Monday Night Football” on ESPN with a public statement of the network. Although Williams Jr. is said to be supporting Herman Cain in the Republican primaries, he caved in and backtracked his prior statement, obviously feeling the heat.

Apparently nobody has realized the parallel between the Chicks and Williams Jr. Nobody came to support his free speech exercise and absolutely nobody is talking about a clearing documentary of his heroic feat.

The word is not “racism” but “hypocrisy.” The double standard never felt so disgusting.

Discurso de Bill Gates sobre educación, autoestima y matoneo

2011-10-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

Lo haya dicho Bill Gates o no... esto sí que da bastante que pensar. A continuación algunos consejos atribuídos apócrifamente a Bill Gates, que siempre en forma “reciente” dijo en un discurso de graduación de escuela secundaria (En realidad lo escribió Charles Sykes en “Dumbing Down Our Kids”). Es acerca de 11 cosas que no se aprenden en la escuela. Habla de cómo la enseñanza políticamente correcta, enfocada en el sentirse bien ha criado una generación completa de niños sin ningún concepto de la realidad y cómo esta carencia de concepto sólo les prepara para el fracaso en la vida real.

• REGLA # 1
La vida no es justa - Acostúmbrate a ello.

• REGLA # 2
Al mundo no le importará tu autoestima. El mundo esperará que logres algo primero para que pueda sentirte bien por ello.

• REGLA # 3
No ganarás 40.000 dólares al año justo a la salida de la escuela secundaria. Tú no serás un vicepresidente con baño privado en la oficina, hasta que te hayas ganado ambos.

• REGLA # 4
Si piensas que tu profesor es duro, espera a que tengas un jefe. Él tampoco tiene la estabilidad laboral ganada y de él también esperan resultados.

• REGLA # 5
Dedicarse a asar hamburguesas no te quita dignidad. Tus abuelos tenían una palabra diferente ello: le llamaban oportunidad.

• REGLA # 6
Si metes la pata, no es culpa de tus padres, así que no lloriquees por tus errores, aprende de ellos.
• REGLA # 7
Antes de que nacieras, tus padres no eran tan aburridos como lo son ahora. Ellos empezaron a serlo por pagar tus cuentas, limpiar tu ropa y escucharte hablar acerca de lo cool y hip que eres. Así que antes de salvar la selva tropical de los parásitos de la generación de sus padres, trata de despiojar primero el armario de su habitación.

• REGLA # 8
En la escuela puede haberse eliminado la diferencia entre ganadores y perdedores, pero en la vida real no. En algunas escuelas hasta se han abolido las malas notas y te dan tantas oportunidades como sea necesario para que obtengas la respuesta correcta. Esto no tiene la menor semejanza con la vida real.

• REGLA # 9
La vida no se divide en semestres. No se consiguen años sabáticos sino temporadas de desempleo, y muy pocos jefes se interesarán en ayudar a que te encuentres a ti mismo. Hazlo en tu tiempo libre.

• REGLA # 10
La televisión no es la vida real. La vida real no es como una película de Hollywood. Las personas de la vida real tienen que salir del café internet para irse a trabajar.

• REGLA # 11
Sé amable con los nerds. Lo más probable es que termines trabajando para uno de ellos.

No al matoneo de ninguna especie. Dicho esto, la escuela no debe ser una burbuja tampoco.

Un pequeño experimento fallido de ingeniería social?

2011-09-29T10:00:00.001-07:00

Desde hace al menos 26 años está prohibida en Colombia “la fabricación, importación, distribución, venta y uso de juguetes bélicos en todo el territorio Nacional”, porque el estado “promoverá, por conducto del Ministro de Educación Nacional, la producción, importación, distribución, venta y uso de juguetes que sirvan para ejercitar y estimular la mente y que despierten en los niños el respeto por la vida, la creatividad, la sana emulación, la camaradería, la lealtad, el trabajo en equipo, el respeto al adversario, la comprensión y la tolerancia con los demás y el entendimiento entre los hombres, dentro de un espíritu de paz y fraternidad.”

La Ley 42 de 1985 fue promulgada con bombos y platillos, y las voces de los expertos exigían trémulas de emoción “educar a los niños para la paz y no para la guerra.” La Ley 18 de 1990 se encargó de añadirle a la noble misión “Prohibir la presentación de películas nacionales o extranjeras que contengan violencia, pornografía o perversidad en los espacios de televisión transmitidos entre las siete de la mañana y las diez de la noche.”

Hará un par de días en Cúcuta atraparon a un estudiante de 16 años con una granada de fragmentación entre sus haberes. Jean-Claude Van Damme y Steven Seagal no pudieron ser contactados para dar una opinión sobre la prohibición de sus películas, ni la detención del estudiante.

Walden Schmidt will be the new half man in Two and a Half Men: #Winning!

2011-09-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Charles Francis Harper was a genius. But by courtesy of Charlie Sheen, the carefree happy-go-lucky bachelor met an untimely, grim death and a ghastly, unpleasant, rather disturbing funeral. The hapless Alan was unable to conduct a dignified ceremony. Her mother, pitching in that very moment the sale of Charlie’s iconic Malibu house, wasn’t very helpful, either.

The beloved nutty pharmacist appeared to collect his $ 38.000 (apparently, that’s what Charlie owed in smack), and most former girlfriends of the Womanizer of the Aughts decided to confirm by themselves if the good news were true. Not a nice word for Charlie by them but by the black widow, Rose. She left implied that Charlie cheated on her and that’s why an unfortunate accident kept the coffin closed at the funeral.
Cut to the Malibu Pad. Bertha, reliable as ever, offers the only thing resembling a eulogy in the whole episode. Evelyn explains that Charlie’s finances are such a mess that only by selling the house the estate may break even (the 6% commission is part of the deal, of course). So, Alan begins to face the very possibility of homelessness. Chuck Lorre’s revenge on Charlie Sheen is now complete.

Well, I might add that I was forecasting months ago that the ratings of the first episode of the ninth season were meant to be huge, even greater than any episode featuring Charlie Sheen. I wasn’t disappointed: 28 million viewers watched how Walden Schmidt/Ashton Kutcher entered Alan’s life practically the same way Charlie Harper tried to end his life when Chelsea dumped him. He was trying to drown himself, but the water was too cold. By the way, Charlie’s ashes were spilled all over the living room.

Chuck Lorre must have really enjoyed himself writing this tour-de-force: notable cameos by John Stamos, Joel Murray delivers the remains of Charlie Harper and Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson give us a hint that Dharma and Greg’s marriage might have soured quite a bit after all. But Kutcher’s sales pitch is the real blast here: even richer, handsomer, carefree and immature than his predecessor, and eager to take over Charlie Harper’s realm.

We still have to find out how the dynamics between Walden and the rest of the cast will be set. It might be creepy, but I think I’ll be missing Rose. Hopefully she makes another comeback, but since she was so devoted of Charlie…

This season looks promising enough.

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 3

2011-09-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

The Third and Final chapter in the trilogy that made you cringe...

Typical episodes

Most cartoons include an episode in which one or more characters:
• Sees what it would be like if they were never born (some of them can be similar to It's a Wonderful Life).
• Fall in love.
• Shrink.
• Travel in time.
• Main characters are regressed into children or babies, or a young immature character at their care is progressed into an adult (usually resulting in a role swapping situation).
• Switch minds with someone/something else along with their voices.
• Transform into an animal or monster, and usually attacked or hunted by their allies.
• Are hypnotized into switching sides, usually by the villain.
• Are handcuffed or otherwise semi-permanently attached to another character, either hero or villain, but almost always someone they have not been getting along with previous to the cuffing
• Fall into a depression where they may question the validity or purpose of their struggle, or even their very existence (More common in Japanese animation).
• Impersonate the opposite gender or another character.
• Travel to an alternate universe where all the heroes are evil and the villains good, or where the bad guys have taken over.
• Get amnesia (often leading the character thinking they are friends with, or working for, one of their enemies).
• Meet a famous singer/actor, fictional or not.
• Go into outer space, often the moon.
• Celebrate and learn about Christmas.
• Get very scared of something.
• One team member leaves the team and returns by the end of the episode.
• Save the planet from an asteroid or some other large extraterrestrial object.
• Go through a very special episode with a moral/social message.
• Remind the others of all the adventures they lived through, bringing out flashbacks of older episodes (this is called a clip show).
• Get trapped inside a comic book, television show, or a video game, and must survive against numerous parodies and/or homages of and to pop or nerd culture with varying levels of accuracy.
• Meet a rival that bears a close resemblance to the Hero(es). (Doppelganger)
• Have a big argument with each other which threatens their friendship/teamwork but will make up at the end.
• Do the same things which already happened from an episode of another show.
• Attend wrestling matches with somebody stronger.
• Get a job in order to pay for something.
• Run away from home.
• Share similarities with or look like characters from other shows.
• Will meet and team up with characters from another show (this is called a crossover).
• Go on a dangerous assignment with one having to remain behind for some reason (injury, sickness, he's really stupid or not liked), but at the end of the episode he is the one who will end up saving everybody.
• Meet a dangerous enemy from their past whom they thought was defeated.
• Character A saves the life of Character B and then Character B becomes a servant to Character A, which usually annoys Character A. In the end Character B usually ends up saving the life of Character A, thereby repaying the debt.
• Mention other characters even though they're not in the episodes.
• Speak to the viewers.
• Come down with a cold.
• Celebrate Opposite Day.
• Fake a sickness. Usually to get out of a responsibility, such as school.
• The episode will be a spoof, remake or pastiche of a classic movie.
• Use phrases from other TV shows, cartoons or movies.
• Cartoon episodes very often have titles that are puns/spoofs on famous movie titles or expressions.

The City

• Action cartoons typically take place in a city that constantly falls victim to bizarre catastrophes that sends the helpless citizenry into panic. No matter how many alien invasions or cataclysms happen, the people will never be desensitized. Nor will they ever move out, revolt, or take steps to make the city safer.
• News of these events also tends to stick within city-borders as these apocalyptic events fail to draw any national attention.
• Large portions of the city are often destroyed and rebuilt rapidly and the good guys are never blamed for the amount of destruction they cause. This was the subject of parody in the film The Incredibles and The Powerpuff Girls Movie, where the superheroes are actually blamed. Underdog played this up. Whenever someone pointed out the damage he had caused, Underdog replied "I am a hero who never fails. I cannot be bothered with these details."
• Metropolitan police forces that are regularly confronted by superhuman or otherwise exceptional criminals never upgrade their equipment in response, and must rely entirely on one or two masked super-powered vigilantes to defend the city.
• Even in shows where the heroes are less mobile than the villains (i.e. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, where the heroes are teenagers and the villains are based on the moon), the villains always target the heroes' home city and not a place halfway across the world.

Characters

• A close friend of the hero is of African descent (Kim Possible, The Batman, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Dexter's Laboratory, The Fairly Oddparents, Danny Phantom, etc.).
• Any robot built will always have a human-like mind and personality, despite the intentions of the builder (unless it is a robot soldier used by villains).
• Robots always produce much more machinery and gadgets than their body can possibly contain.
• Usually, in Genndy Tartakovsky action cartoons, a character will let out an excessive scream after a large battle or in anguish. (Star Wars: Clone Wars, Samurai Jack)
• Evil twins always have some distinguishing feature, i.e. bushier eyebrows, different voice, paler skin, that lets them be easily distinguishable from their good twin. Most of the time, only the audience notices this. Even characters who may notice this feature fail to do so when inevitably faced with choosing which twin is good. ("Futurama")
• In shows where there is a group of 3 lead characters, it is almost always 2 boys and one girl. The leader of the group is often an inexperienced boy, but has great potential skill and develops a crush on the female of the group. The second boy is usually either a goof-off or a shady type that outshadows the hero in terms of skill (if this type is applied, the female often develops a crush on him). The female is usually the smartest or (often ignored) voice of reason, though is usually the weakest. (Naruto)

Weapons
• A firearm is very seldom used in modern cartoons. With very few exceptions, even the police and military are equipped with laser weapons that are rarely capable of killing anyone, despite the damage they may do to inanimate objects. Conversely, weapons that are capable of killing, particularly lasers and explosives, often do little damage to the surrounding area, especially if the characters are inside a room. This is rarer than the former situation, though.
• The ability of someone to actually hit their target with a weapon is inversely proportional to their lethality. Thus, handguns will never hit anything regardless of which side is wielding them, lasers only rarely hit anyone and usually only during a 'dramatic moment', while harmless weapons (such as cannons that launch rotten fruits) are surprisingly effective at neutralizing an adversary.
• Sharp weapons never cut or kill anyone. Except maybe on the cheek, finger, or hair. If someone is stabbed, the screen fades to black or the action is outscreen. If a girl's hair is cut, she will get excessively angry. This was made fun of in Spaceballs, when Princess Vespa voices her disdain for guns, then when a guard singes her hair with a laser beam only seconds later, she powerfully shoots up the rest of the guards.
• Characters trying to escape being crushed under a long, thin falling object, such as a bookcase, will invariably run parallel to the length of the bookcase instead of laterally. Often, they will appear to have gotten out from under it and stop to display relief, and be crushed anyway. Occasionally, they are crushed just before they escape.
• Needle syringes are not allowed to be shown on screen. They're often replaced with a futuristic syringe that doesn't require a needle. An exception to this is when a character that is afraid of shots is required to go the doctor or hospital, which will result in a nurse holding up a syringe with a needle of excessive length.
• Gases, serums, tranquilizers and all other chemicals immediately take effect when administered.

This is a list of clichés related to sports

• Bring our "A" game
• Take it one game at a time
• I'm just happy to be here
• Backs against the wall (especially before any elimination games)
• Swing and a miss
• He shoots — he scores!
• There's no "I" in "team"
• A commanding six–shot lead (in reporting golf results)
• He must be as sick as a parrot (UK - Football/soccer)
• It's a game of two halves
• Overcoming adversity
• They just wanted it more
• Second best all over the park
• It ain't over til it's over (originated by Yogi Berra)
• We're gonna have to play the kind of football we know we are capable of playing.
• Leave it all on the floor
• Credit to the opposition
• Giving 110%

Advertising clichés and phrases

• For all your ____-ing needs.
• And much, much more!
• Not sold in any store!
• How much would you expect to pay?
• But wait! Order now and you also get ___!
• But wait, there's more! (This phrase has actually been trademarked by Ron Popeil, the owner of Ronco.)
• There has to be a better way!
• Don't waste your time on ___ (the blank being a similar but supposedly less efficient product)
• Actual results may vary. (Used to avoid lawsuits when people don't achieve the results seen on the advertisement)
• How many times has this happened to you? (Frequently in ads related to travel)
• You might/will not believe this, but I was once just like you. (Frequently used in weight loss ads and by motivational speakers)
• Don't be fooled by imitators/competitors.
• For a limited time only
• Our best just got better.
• New and improved! (However this appears to be self-contradictory: if something is improved, it cannot be new)
• Terms and conditions apply (said very rapidly or printed very small).
• Save $__ (when spending is involved- which is always the case!).
• Only $__9.99 (no matter how expensive something is, it is always only that much).
• Just __ easy payments of $__9.99!
• Free* (an asterisk implies that it isn't really free and the accompanying text is very small and hard to find).
• That's right!
• Talk to your doctor about ___ (may also be “Ask your doctor if ____ is right for you”)
• How do we do it? Volume!
• Prices marked TOO LOW to advertise! (Usually seen in ads for automobiles.)
• Void where prohibited. (Usually because of special laws or employee problems.)
• Some Assembly Required
• Fun to play with, not to eat
• Each sold separately.
• Batteries not included. (This phrase and the 3 above it are commonly heard in children's toy commercials.)
• Part of a complete/good/balanced breakfast (almost always heard in ads for children's breakfast cereal)
• As seen on TV! (Alternatively, “Similar to those seen on TV” for imitations.)
• You can't afford not to buy this!
• Makes a great gift!
• More than just [product category]!
• The secret is ___. (Used to describe something that is unique to a particular product.)
• Better than the leading brand.
• Don't delay, call now!
• We're practically giving them away!
• None genuine unless it bears the signature of ___ (common in 19th century quack medicine)
• You've tried the rest, now try the best!
• Many will enter, few will win.
• A great deal will be made that the product is being sold under a certain amount (such as “Under $1000!”) when the stated price said it is just under that amount: “and it's yours for only $999!”
• Four out of five ___ agree product X is the best! (where ___ is somebody who is expected to be an expert in the field: doctors, dentists, mothers, etc.; parodied in the Trident gum commercials, which really had four out of five dentists agree that it helps clean teeth, in which one such expert accidentally falls on the "No" button)
• Act now and get a free _____ with your purchase!
• When you call, ask your operator about ___.
• The sale must end this weekend! (However the advert is repeated for several weeks running.)
• The announcer for a drug commercial would say the side effects and dangers of the drug in a manner so fast it is almost overlooked.

Often imitated, never duplicated. Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can simply rules!

La Muerte de Piper Pimienta contada por Fruko

2011-09-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

Piper Pimienta con The Latin Brothers

A continuación una breve cita de una extensa, completísima y fenomenal entrevista que le hicieron a Julio Ernesto Estrada, "Fruko" de la que les dejo aquí el link. Debido a que mucha gente pregunta por la muerte del gran Piper Pimienta, les dejo la aclaración en palabras del propio Fruko:

FRUKO: Piper Pimienta en su ciudad era un personaje muy admirado. Pero —que valga la redundancia— se dejó rodear de terceros partidos, los amigos esos que yo tenía antes de tomar mi decisión. Entonces esos terceros partidos empezaron a llenarlo de compromisos: tú debes tanto, tú tienes que pagar tanto. Y, entonces, llegó un momento en que el hombre ni tenía con qué pagar y estaba metido en la trampa. Y, entonces, por cobro lo mataron. No tenía con qué pagar asuntos de adicción.

No se le pudo fugar a la candela.

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 2

2011-09-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

*********************LIST OF CLICHES 2***********************
****************THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL!!!*****************

Crime Dramas

• The suspect who is intelligent enough not to indulge any of their criminal acts for the first half of the show, immediately confesses all the details to a crime when presented with any evidence against him, usually acting proud of their criminal actions even though they know they will be arrested.
• At the beginning of the episode before the title credits, the main characters would make a sarcastic or snarky comment about the victim or crime.

Science fiction and fantasy

• Characters that are unwilling to communicate creating a major problem from something that could have been fixed just by telling someone. (Lost)
• A character who is forced to repeat one day over and over again (Groundhog Day, Xena: Warrior Princess, Christmas Every Day)
• A plot in which characters switch bodies (Farscape - Out of Their Minds (S2E09))
• A plot which involves the characters visiting present day earth.
• Evil soldiers will always miss their targets, while the hero never misses (the Stormtrooper effect)
• When a villain fires a gun at a bulletproof hero, he will then throw the empty gun, and the hero will duck; this applies mainly to Superman in various media, but it has happened elsewhere
• A plot in which one or more main characters visit a parallel dimension that is darker than their own (Star Trek's "Mirror, Mirror" (and sequels), Doctor Who's "Inferno" and "Rise of the Cybermen", The Flash)
• In martial arts movies, a group of minor thugs will surround the hero but only attack one at a time. This rule is only violated when the plot dictates that the hero be captured, at which point they finally gang up on him.
• Whenever the protagonist time travels into the past, he will invariably meet a great historical figure.
• Child who behaves in an unusual fashion (mute, autistic, etc.) who has extreme psychic ability or other gifts which get the heroes out of a jam. Many fan writers refer to this as the "mute kid with powers" cliché. A variant of this turns up in straight drama as the mute, retarded, autistic, or comically foreign individual who has unusual abilities or insights benefiting the main characters (e.g., Jodie Foster's Nell).
• Spaceships destroyed by enemy fire will always explode spectacularly.
• Despite advances in technology, spaceships will fight in visual range.
• The main cast will have at least one token minority; in addition, there will be at least one extremely attractive and provocatively dressed woman/female alien.
• The enemy ship/super weapon, no matter how large or powerful, will have a fatal flaw.
• Enemy forces are all ugly monsters/aliens or dress in ominous armor or uniforms.

General

• The ongoing, on-again-off-again relationship. Most often the two characters involved will finally get together towards the end of a series. (Friends, Gilmore Girls)
• In modern historical films, the women are often portrayed as just as capable as men in combat (Maid Marian in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, Elena in The Mask of Zorro and The Legend of Zorro, Anna in Van Helsing, Arwen in Lord of the Rings and Elizabeth Swann in The Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
• A plot in which the hero (or heroes) faces a villain he cannot defeat. He then finds an ancient master or guardian that gives him a new power (better martial arts techniques, upgraded equipment, etc) with which he trounces the villain in the final scene.
• In stories involving racing competitions, the villain is more focused on attacking the hero than winning the race (obviously leading to his doom). (Note: While this cliché can be annoying, it does provide a good counter-example to the question "Are villains more interesting than the heroes who fight them?)

Animation clichés Good Guys vs. Bad Guys

• There will be an episode where the villain pretends to give up and/or turn good in order to lead the naive and trusting good guys into a trap (examples: Garfield and Friends, The Smurfs, and The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3, Xiaolin Showdown).
• Similarly, there will be an episode in which one of the good characters appears to have gone over to the side of evil. This is usually due to some sort of malign influence by the villains, or is a trick by the good guy to win the bad guys' trust. In either case, they will be restored to good by the end of the episode (or plotline, if several episodes revolve around the same thing.) (Teen Titans)
• For shows featuring robots, the good ones have blue eyes while the bad guys have red eyes (See The Transformers). This or variations of this theme may apply to humans/mutants as well (for example, good guys will don blue sunshades while bad guys will don red, or the bad guy could be a mutant with red eyes and the good guys have blue eyes).
• In shows that focus on a team of superheroes, a new character will often suddenly appear to join the team. They will later turn out to be working for the villain, especially if the team accepts them quickly. However, if the team reacts to them with extreme suspicion and mistrust, the new character may turn out to be a genuine hero, usually with a mysterious and tragic past that gives them a reason to hate the villain.
• There will usually be one episode in which the hero and the villain are forced to work together. Often this will involve them joining together to fight a more powerful foe. In several 80's cartoons (including G.I. Joe), this involved the good guys and the bad guys teaming up to fight the war on drugs. Invariably, the villain will attempt to betray the hero as soon as their common enemy has been defeated, or, as in Invader Zim, will simply get back to fighting.
• Characters, good or bad, never die; they fall into another dimension (e.g. Mary Jane Watson in Spider-Man: The Animated Series, the Outriders in Saber Rider, the Serpentmen in Conan The Adventurer, Bruce in Bucky O' Hare, Esmeraude in Sailor Moon, Bob and Megabyte in ReBoot, both managed to get back.)
• Good guys are never allowed to sneak on bad guys and attack them from behind. They must first get their attention, usually with a one-liner, prior to attacking. On the other hand, bad guys are not always restricted to that rule.
• Should the hero get caught in the enemy's trap, the villain will then explain the entire workings of his nefarious plot (assuming that the hero has not found out already). The villain will then leave the hero to his demise, through a cruel, though time-consuming method, neglecting to observe the hero at all. In that time between the villain's departure and the hero's intended demise, the hero will devise an escape plan and get away.
• A main character (one who is usually brought back from the dead) is discovered to be either a clone or a robot duplicate.
• The hero and villain will have to work together to defeat another foe even worse than the actual foe.

Good guys

• Good guys often dispense moral or social advice to their young audience, especially concerning issues such as drug use. There is typically a small segment set aside for this at the end of the cartoon. (G.I. Joe, Inspector Gadget, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog). This is sometimes known as the “Knowing is half the battle...” scene because of the line the G.I. Joe cartoon uses.
• If the hero of a modern action-adventure cartoon is a teenage girl, she will be highly competent, extremely skilled, and almost never look bad or lose in combat. However, if the main character is a male of the same age, he will be relatively inexperienced and prone to mistakes despite his skill in combat. Compare Kim Possible or The Life and Times of Juniper Lee with Ben 10 or American Dragon: Jake Long.
• If a tomboyish girl is forced to dress nicely and become a girly girl (usually for a beauty pagent, contest, etc.), by the end of the plot she will choose "to be herself" and will usually win anyway. (Nikki Wong, 6teen'', Spenelli, Recess, Danny Phantom)
• If the heroes form a group of three or more, there will be a 'normal' girl and boy, often white, who are usually the most attractive members. They will be surrounded by a supporting cast of oddballs, usually including a very gifted and intelligent inventor, a sports fanatic, an overweight person, a younger character, etc. The normal girl will be the love interest for both the normal boy and the other males of the group as well; however, if she choses one, she chooses the normal boy.

Bad guys

Bad guys can be divided into several categories:

• Supervillains are the main nemeses of the hero. They are cruel and hateful towards everyone around them. Not only do their plans never succeed (except on rare occasions), but more often than not at the end of the episode they are worse off than they were at the start. However, they always diligently come up with a new evil scheme.
• Henchmen act as a Supervillain's lieutenants, and carry out their boss' tasks, usually accompanied by a group of Minions. They vary in levels of skill, bravery, loyalty, and competence, but are generally about as powerful as the Hero(es) (Beast Man in Masters of the Universe, Starscream in Transformers, and Storm Shadow in G.I. Joe).
• Minions are the obedient foot soldiers to the Supervillain, typically following orders, even those that lead to their deaths. They are poor fighters and are easily defeated by heroes and sidekicks alike. They also tend to have terrible aim and rarely actually hit any good guys they shoot at (see Stormtrooper effect). Henchmen rarely die violently, unless they are robots, golems, or other nonliving constructs, in which case they die as violently as possible. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Samurai Jack, My Life as a Teenage Robot)
• The Independent Operative (a.k.a. The Mercenary or the Bounty-Hunter) who either works on his own, or gets hired by the Supervillain to deal with the Hero(es). The Operative is usually a threat to the Hero(es), but may become less of one as the series progresses.
• Despite having armies of stormtroopers and enough military hardware to outfit a small nation, evil organizations bent on world conquest frequently use bizarre and unorthodox methods (involving rare items and lengthy preparation) to achieve their goals rather than direct attack (as it is considered more entertaining for the young viewer and is less likely to involve human deaths). This was once common even in live-action films, but is now increasingly restricted to cartoons. Cartoons today often parody this cliché; for instance, the Kim Possible villain Señor Senior Sr. often explains in an episode that more realistic plans would be contrary to “the Code of Villainy.”
• The few female villains typically dress and act more provocatively than the heroines.
• Supervillains of Asian descent frequently have green skin (possibly to distract from race). Examples include Ming the Merciless in Defenders of the Earth, Dr. Julius No in James Bond Jr., The Mandarin in the Iron Man animated series.
• Villains are never of African descent, unless the hero is also of African descent or has black friends (such as Static Shock).
• The villain will deliver an ultimatum which the hero cannot or will not accept (i.e. surrender the planet to me or I will destroy it).
• The villain typically has a wise-cracking, usually anthropomorphic sidekick (this is usually true of Disney films). In any future sequels/television series, this sidekick may join the good guys.
• The henchmen will typically be mistreated by the supervillain. Often the henchmen are plotting revenge, usually in the form of a betrayal later on which will enable them to seize power from the main villain.

つづく

Si de verdad quieren, pues que paguen más y no se hagan...

2011-09-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

"No me hice rico firmando cheques"

Bill Gates, parodiado en Los Simpson

Me revienta la hipocresía de los ricachones que piden que les suban los impuestos. Como si no existiera Internet para seguirles la pista en cómo dicen una cosa y practican otra. Como si no fuera más fácil que entregaran simplemente la plata a sus gobiernos, si de verdad estuvieran convencidos de lo que dicen. ¿De verdad necesitan una ley para que ahí si empiecen a mostrar su generosidad y sacrificio?

¿Que Warren Buffet, el segundo ricachón más grande del planeta se queja porque paga menos impuestos que su secretaria? Pues que pague más. ¿Que el pobre viejecito pide más impuestos para los ricos? ¿Por qué rábanos tiene que esperar a que le aprueben una ley que lo obligue? ¿Le pidió permiso a alguien o al estado para enriquecerse? Que empiece a aflojar el billete.

¿Que Bill y Melinda Gates (Emperador y Emperatriz de Microsoft) piensan que deberían pagar más impuestos? Bill Gates fue buenísimo para forjar su imperio, y pésimo cuando metió sus narices en la educación de Estados Unidos (a despecho de sus buenas intenciones), lo que prueba que no es infalible en sus juicios. Pero realmente si lo desea, que pague más y que se deje de hipocresías, presionando por exenciones de impuestos en Seattle.

¿Que Ted Turner, el dueño de CNN y TNT y máximo terrateniente de Estados Unidos piensa que debería pagar más impuestos? ¿Para que sirvieron los mil millones de dólares que donó a la ONU? ¿La ONU rindió alguna vez cuentas sobre el dinero recibido? ¿Ha rendido cuentas alguna vez la ONU? Que Turner empiece por repartir las 810.000 hectáreas que tan orondamente ostenta en Internet. ¿Acaso realmente las necesita todas?
¿Que Michael Moore dice que la plata de los ricos no es de ellos, sino un recurso nacional? Rápido, don Michael. Bájese de sus 50 milloncitos de dólares, que bastante los necesitan otros. Y la próxima vez que haga uno de sus repetitivos y sesgados documentales, contrate esos trabajadores sindicalizados que tanto aprecia de palabra... ¡ah!, y ofrézcales seguro médico.

En Europa, no es que haya menos multimillonarios que secundan con "fervor" esta cruzada para pagar más impuestos, entre ellos:

• Liliane Bettencourt, accionista mayoritaria de la poderosa empresa de cosméticos L'Oreal. (Capitalización bursátil: 47.822 millones de euros. Fortuna personal: 16 millones). Pues que pague más sin que tenga que esperar a una ley, pero que nos explique primero por qué Francois-Marie Banier, un íntimo amigo suyo — que posee una participación del 30 por ciento en L'Oreal, y a quien ella colmó de regalos, Patrice de Maistre (el gestor de sus riquezas); y Fabrice Goguel (su asesor en temas fiscales), fueron detenidos por evasión de impuestos y lavado de activos. Ah, que también por qué tuvo que darle plata en efectivo a Sarkozy.

• Frédéric Oudéa, director general del banco Société Générale (Capitalización bursátil: 16.220 millones de euros. Fortuna personal: 2,9 millones de euros) Jérôme Kerviel, quien dejó a su salida un agujero de 4.9 millardos de euros, decía que lo hizo todo con conocimiento de sus superiores. ¿Frédéric, por qué juegan así con la plata de la gente? ¿Voy yo a confiar entonces en lo que Usted me diga?

• Stéphane Richard, director general de France Telecom, una empresa nociva para la salud mental (Capitalización bursátil: 34.117 millones de euros. Fortuna personal: 1,7 millones). Que pague más sin que tenga que esperar a una ley, como tuvo que hacerlo France Telecom (me imagino que de otra forma los accionistas lo hubieran vuelto picadillo). ¡Que viva la televisión pública!

• Philippe Varin, presidente de PSA Peugeot-Citroën. (Capitalización bursátil: 4.372 millones de euros. Fortuna personal: 3,3 millones). Escuchemos al Sr. Varin, que va a sacar de su crisis actual a Peugeot-Citroën… ¡pagando más impuestos!

Sólo en Francia y Estados Unidos…

Pueden mandar su dinero a:

Gifts to the United States
U.S. Department of the Treasury
Credit Accounting Branch
3700 East-West Highway,
Room 622D Hyattsville,
MD 20782

Direction générale des finances publiques
Communication
139, rue de Bercy
75574 PARIS CEDEX 12 tél. 01 40 04 04 04

Y abriré una cuenta en PayPal por si las dudas...

Tales from the Wikipedia Trash Can 8: List of Clichés 1

2011-09-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

The long-running franchise in which the sipmac team rescues from oblivion a nixed Wikipedia contribution is back! Frankly, I don't understand how we are supposed to have a grasp of the posmodern civilisation without a List of Clichés, the raw material of most of our entertainement nowadays. Without further ado:

List of Clichés

TV clichés

Medical Dramas

• Symptoms which are assumed early on to be a result of a common illness, but turn out to be a sign of a rare, very serious condition.("It's not the flu, it's cholera!"
• The main character portrayed as a medical genius who diagnoses and treats patients with unusual or rare illnesses after the rest of the medical staff has proven unable to figure out the problem
• The boss or mentor character who has a harsh, "tough love" approach to the job, a difficult love life, and a controversial way of doing things.
• The religious family or church group who refuse to allow a member (usually a child) treatment on the grounds that it would contravene the articles of their faith.

Reality TV Shows
See reality television.

• An establishing shot using a pan that moves slowly, then speeds up, then moves slowly again
• A shot of the moon that quickly zooms out
• Stereotypical contestants such as the gay one, the bigot, or the flirt
• Celebrity contestants who are most often past their prime or have only just become famous
• A "good cop/bad cop" pair on the judges panel of a talent-based reality show
• A Celebrity version or an All-Star show introduced after several regular seasons (Celebrity Big Brother UK; I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!)
• The shock eviction of a supposedly popular contestant by public vote or otherwise
• Edited-in pauses during the "voting out" sequence

Soap Operas

• Characters who experience tragedy and constantly changing relationships with no long-term effects
• The long-lost sibling (often a twin), who often turns out to be a villain or a fraud
• Affairs which result in a pregnancy of questionable paternity.
• The town villain, whose sole desire is to gain control of all the other citizens.
• Weddings, holiday parties, and other special occasions which end with the revelation of a scandal
• Characters have a tendency to say, out-loud, their dark secret, which is often heard by the person it would affect most.
• Most characters are oblivious to others problems.

Sitcoms

• Nuclear families headed by parents whose relationship dates back to college or even high school.
• The stay-at-home mother whose presence in the house is underappreciated but proves to be crucial to the survival of the family
• A situation where a main character has to choose between a popular clique/fraternity or his own friends.
• The middle-class working father, often absentminded or negligent at home
• The "cute kid," usually the youngest in the family, who rarely figures prominently in the plot but provides comic relief
• The fun aunt or uncle, often single or divorced, who seem like fun but are often irresponsible (Family Matters)
• A house in which the interior layout should be impossible given the architecture of the house as seen from the outside.
• A couch situated in the center of the room, allowing other characters to walk behind them (in real life, most couches in a standard living room would be back against the wall).
• Impossibly large and roomy urban apartments.
• No one ever sits with their back to the camera at the dinner table, even though it cramps everyone. If someone walks in, they will pull up a chair and force diners to move aside, rather than sit at the empty end.
• The hip, fiesty grandmother (Family Matters, Who's the Boss?)
• Any story focusing on underage drinking will involve someone going way overboard and a have a bad accident, often while driving home.
• An antagonistic relationship between the father and his mother-in-law (The Flinstones)
• Off-stage characters who are referred to in dialogue as having exaggerated physical features (Maris Crane in Frasier, Al's Mother in Home Improvement)
• Roommates that are complete opposites, such as a slob and a neat person, or a nerd and a womanizer.
• If a character is close to giving birth, such birth will probably occur in an inconvenient place (such as an elevator or the back seat of a car) and the delivery will have to be performed/assisted by the regular character who would be the most uncomfortable with such a scenario. Such births also happen in dramas, typically with similar comedic effect (like Worf delivering Keiko's child on Star Trek: The Next Generation.)
• Once the youngest child outgrows being "cute," a situation will be contrived to introduce a new young cast member.
• Supporting characters never need to knock; they simply walk into the main family's house. They rarely close the door behind them (although the door may miraculously close itself once out of camera-shot).
• A young supporting character will often look to the heads of the main family for support rather than his or her own parents.
• There will be at least one very special episode in which the show tackles drugs, sex, cheating, etc.
• Elementary school plays with Broadway production values, including elaborate costuming.
• When something shocking happens a character will say "I can't believe it". Then another character, usually a less educated one, will say "I know" and preceed to say something that isn't related towards the shock.

But wait, there's more!

Diez años del Atentado del 11 de Septiembre de 2001 a las Torres Gemelas

2011-09-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

Estaba delante del televisor medio despierto. Ese día me había quedado dormido hasta tarde y mi anfitriona me haló de la cama para que viera algo grave que pasaba en Estados Unidos. La sensación de irrealidad daba vértigo. Era de esas cosas que pasaban en las películas hollywoodenses de desastres, sólo que no era una película. Con tono tremendístico, el director de noticias del canal de TV se refocilaba en las imágenes que repetían una y otra vez: un avión que impactaba una de las Torres Gemelas en Nueva York.

No recuerdo específicamente lo que hablaba con mi anfitriona, sólo que no pasó mucho tiempo y otro avión impactaba la otra torre. Casi me niego a creer lo que veían mis ojos y fue muy difícil aceptar después que las torres se derrumbaban. No recuerdo de antecedentes en los que el mundo contemplara en vivo y en directo una catástrofe de semejante magnitud. Y deseo que no vuelva a suceder, a despecho del desastre de Fukushima y tantas tragedias que hemos vivido en estos últimos diez años.

¿Por qué los terroristas odian a los estadounidenses? Buena pregunta. Pero también habría que preguntar por qué odian también a los españoles, a los británicos, a los nigerianos... Es irónico que viviendo con mayor comodidad y libertad que en sus países de origen, los terroristas estén dispuestos a acabar con esa comodidad y libertad.

"De donde venimos, allá todos los días son Septiembre 11 de 2001", dicen.

De donde son, en algunos países viven en el siglo XV y otros en el sigo VI.

¿Por qué nos odian? Porque somos libertinos, disipados... e infieles. Nuestra libertad, imperfecta como es, es un pecado, una impudicia para ellos.

Y tenemos que lidiar con eso, para bien o para mal.

Public Service Announcement: How the Future will look (Timetable)

2011-09-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

Right now, the Euro Zone might be imploding, just the way the American economy is. Glad we can count on Hollywood to discover what's next! Stanley Kubrick missed it with 2001 (Obama shut down the space shuttle program, now we're relying on archaic Soyuz technology for space travel), but darn he nailed it perfect with a Clockwork Orange. To be fair, the following timetable missed what paired with Lady Gaga might be the Rosetta Stone of human involution - Idiocracy:

via

The link to watch it full-size is here.

Time is on my side, anyway. The mineshaft is still closed and full of highly desirable women.

Los Jóvenes Preguntan, Dr. sipmac responde

2011-09-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

Nota de Dr. sipmac: Tengo lectores y conocidos que son agnósticos y ateos, quienes encontrarán sin duda este post como una pérdida de esfuerzo, tiempo y píxeles, pero qué le voy a hacer, aquí voy:

Hay preguntas de ésas “incómodas”, que suelen hacer los niños y que luego adultos suelen declarar obsoletas, inútiles o irreales. En realidad, son preguntas que sí tienen respuesta, sólo que las respuestas no suelen satisfacer (o interesar) a nadie. Los Jóvenes Preguntan, Dr. sipmac responde:

1. ¿Es pecado pronunciar obscenidades si no emites ningún sonido? Suena a ése otra “oldie but goldie” “¿Hace ruido el árbol que cae cuando no hay nadie para escucharlo? Mientras en asuntos profanos el principio es el de no someter a juicio a un ser humano por sus pensamientos, en asuntos religiosos es al contrario: lo que importa son los pensamientos y por ellos nada más puedes ser encontrado culpable. Así no digas ciertas palabras en voz alta, la intención es la que cuenta. Por esto George Orwell consideraba a la religión como algo no muy diferente de un estado totalitario.

2. ¿Está bien mofarse de la gente que está en el infierno cuando ya tú estás en el cielo? Mofarse del sufrimiento ajeno es una actitud mezquina que desdice de un reino de los cielos. Bonita forma de pasar la eternidad (“lero, lero”)…

3. ¿No cree que la dicha eterna, con el tiempo, debe acabar haciéndose aburrida? Uno de los conceptos más difíciles de entender es el de eternidad. Y en la eternidad del más allá simplemente no puede existir el tiempo. La noción, quizá, pero la realidad del tiempo no.

4. ¿Tienen alma los dinosaurios? No. ¿Para qué?

5. Si contara un chiste muy, muy bueno, ¿podría hacer reír a Dios? Entonces explícame primero cómo piensas sorprender a alguien que lo sabe todo. Dios tendría que dejar de ser omnisciente y omnipotente. A ver, otra.

6. ¿Por qué la oración no hace que los pececitos muertos vuelvan a la vida? No puedes invocar en vano la acción divina, como para algo tan chichipato.

7. Si el dinero es la causa de todos los males, ¿por qué tenemos que trabajar? Uff, ésta sí que es fácil. De acuerdo a la escritura, no es el dinero, es el **amor** al dinero (Timoteo 6:10, léase codicia) la causa de todos los males. Confronta esta codicia con la del episodio del pecado original, cuando no “había” dinero. Y el trabajo es un mandato divino.

8. Si en vida fueras masoquista, ¿no sería una recompensa ir al infierno y un castigo ir al cielo? ¡Piénsalo bien! ¿Y si al llegar al infierno, parte del tormento fuera que te quitaran esa capacidad de disfrutar de los tormentos? ¿No sería acaso el primer tormento? A ver, otra.

9. ¿Por qué existe el sufrimiento? ¡Bingo! La respuesta es ésta: cuando el primer humano pecó, ese pecado desencadenó una catástrofe espectacular que deformó la creación, trayendo al mundo el dolor, el sufrimiento y la muerte. Eso sí, la verdad es que la pregunta que sigue que es “¿Cómo es posible que un sólo acto de desobediencia haya producido tanto desbarajuste?”, no la sé responder.

¿Qué por qué hice esto? Fácil. Las viñetas prácticamente me cayeron del cielo…

Rayos Cósmicos y El Sol contradicen a Al Gore

2011-08-31T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm the voice of reason!

Lawrence Solomon: Science getting settled | FP Comment | Financial Post

"Ellos le pagan a pseudo-científicos que pretenden ser científicos para difundir el mensaje: "Esta cosa del clima, es una tontería. El CO2 hecho por el hombre no atrapa el calor. Pueden ser los volcanes? Mierda!" "Pueden ser las manchas solares? Mierda!" "[El planeta] No se está calentando?" "Mierda!"

Al Gore, Aspen Institute, Agosto.

En este tono mesurado y racional descalificó una vez más nuestro ambientalista y ex vicepresidente Al Gore a quienes dudan de que:

1) Haya un calentamiento global en progreso.

2) Este sea casuado por un aumento sustancial en el CO2 en la composición química de la atmósfera.

3) Dicho calentamiento global es casuado por la actividad humana.

Bullshit!

Así, que como el Partido Demócrata es el partido de la ciencia, y el ~~calentamiento global~~ ~~cambio climático~~ lo que sea es un hecho irrefutable y hay un "consenso", Al Gore se ve con justicia obligado a rechazar cualquier debate que se le ofrezca, algo muy científico y razonable, desde todo punto de vista.

Siguiendo esta línea de razonamiento, por supuesto que no tiene absolutamente ningún valor la investigación, publicada con muy poca fanfarria esta semana en la prestigiosa revista Nature, proveniente del súper-prestigioso CERN, la Organización Europea de Investigación Nuclear, uno de los mayores centros del mundo para la investigación científica en que participan 60 países y más de 8.000 científicos de más de 600 universidades y laboratorios nacionales. El CERN es la organización que inventó la World Wide Web (y tú creíste que fue Al Gore!) y que construyó el multimillonario Gran Colisionador de Hadrones, y que ahora se ha construido una cámara de acero inoxidable impecablemente limpia que, precisamente, recrea la atmósfera de la Tierra.

En esta cámara, 63 científicos del CERN, de 17 institutos europeos y americanos han hecho lo que los agoreros voceros del calentamiento global dijeron que nunca se podría hacer - demostrar que los rayos cósmicos promueven la formación de moléculas que en la atmósfera terrestre puede crecer y producir nubes, y por lo tanto, cambios en el clima. Porque el campo magnético del Sol controla la cantidad de rayos cósmicos que llegan a la atmósfera de la Tierra (el fuerte campo magnético del sol protege a la tierra de los rayos cósmicos provenientes del espacio), por lo que el sol determina la temperatura en la Tierra.

Al Gore, eppur si muove.

Sarah Palin - myths and reality - The video

2011-08-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hi there! We're the sipmac team, we want the world and we want it now! We continue to expand through other venues, such as... video. Now we proudly present our Youtube channel, the jokerizepaul channel. Our goal is to post all the original material we can produce. This time, Paul Maršić, a.k.a. jokerizedpaul (yours truly) produces and presents a special report on Sarah Palin, the "perceived truth" and the reality. And the music.

Jokerizedpaul on Sarah Palin
by: jokerizedpaul

Enjoy!

The day of wrath 3: USA Edition - Coming soon

2011-08-25T15:56:00.000-07:00

Many people have been watching the Muslim revolutions in the Arab world and drooled about them with such intensity that they called these uprisings “The Arab Spring”. Then, they saw the “Indignant” movement in Spain and Greece protesting austerity measures hailing the end of the welfare state and they knew something huge was gestating. Finally, they watched chavs and neds riot in the UK, not knowing why, while the “Bobbies” did not know how to fight them, and thought the time has finally come.

No matter how many setbacks they have suffered lately in Wisconsin, the left has announced for September 17th, the *Day of Rage* in Wall Street, because “the stock market, the exec’s bonuses and their ability to be rich have to be brought down” (apparently, the recent S&P downgrade and a looming double-dip recession is not enough effort to bring down the market),

Even if the government instituted a 100% tax on both corporate profits and personal incomes above $250,000 per year, it would yield enough revenue to run the government for only six months. Why? Because under Mr. Obama's presidency, government spending has swelled to 24% of GDP from 18%.

Mortimer Zuckerman, The Wall Street Journal, today.

Hey, our special guest, satirist Iowahawk made a very revealing exposition of why the US government has to stop spending the way it spends until now, but that is not news for SEIU, Heather Booth’s Midwest Academy, AFSCME and AFL-CIO, not to mention the remnants of federally-defunded ACORN. There is a pile of money out there, but it is in the wrong hands, says Van Jones, disgraced “Green Jobs Czar” and now American Dream Movement’s big shot.

It will be a “peaceful protest”, of course, but with heavy use of “civil disobedience tactics”, which means it could be a re-edition of the 1999 Seattle Riots. Not convinced? Then please visit USDaysofRage.org and see how the websites provides resources, including videos and detailed written instructions, for protesters to engage in "civil disobedience", including instructions on how to resist police arrest and disrupt court hearings. It seems they are taking great pains to make sure their protest is peaceful.

Please consider this “peaceful protest” as a fund-raising campaign for bureaucrats that want to secure their way of life… their particular American Dream, in which it doesn’t matter how much the state spends, there’s always need for more money, specially for lavish salaries, luxury benefits and golden plate pensions.

That’s why they are counting on your rage, too.

sipmacrants!

Mitt Romney: unfit for command (As clueless as a John Kerry can be?)

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